A
female
age
41-50,
*ouise1979
writes:I have been married for nearly 6 years and I am so confused as to whether I want to remain in the marriage. My husband appears outwardly as a caring man but the longer I know him the more I realise he is actually quite a self centered man who believes it is his god given right to a wife who looks after him and keeps the house tidy and cooks and also works hard full time. I have during our marriage become more and more overweight, I have never been slim he married me as a size 16/18 but he recently told me I hadnt tried hard enough to lose weight for our wedding and he broke my heart as I had tried and had lost nearly 2 stone before the wedding. I cannot look at my wedding pictures anymore without hearing his words and despite an apology afterwards I hear those words in his voice now. He says I dont move on and forget things but he says a lot of hurtful things and he then expects me to forget them and get on with it. I have been trying for years to lose weight but I fail and I know this is only my fault but I have so much else to think about - Full time work, the shopping, cooking etc, Is this is excuse or can there be more to it. He is a very snappy person and he riles me, then when I snap he says I'm misreable and agressive but i'm living on the edge all the time and it doesnt take a lot anymore. He makes me make a lot of effort for him but doesnt make any back or does a very small thing that he thinks is enough. I am unhappy but he wont listen, he thinks all my problems stem from my weight problem and that if I lost the weight we'd be happy - problem is I believe if I lost the weight and regained my confidence I would have the strength to leave him. I am so confused please help ?
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confidence, lose weight, move on, overweight, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): I was reading this and crying. I could have written this! My husband left me, much for the same reasons you were citing. As I reflect back on our relationship, things were fine as long as I was doing his bidding. Now he is gone and I am living for myself and my kids. Take care of yourself first! It is so liberating. Size has NOTHING to do with it! You need to lose weight only if YOU want to, or need to for health reasons. Don't do it for someone, thinking that it will keep him there. There will probably be some other problem waiting in the wings that he will spring on you. Nothing will please this man. Nothing. Have you tried marriage counseling? Hopefully you can get him to go. I do agree that you should try a gym. I struggled with that for a long time, thinking that if I went to a gym then I was giving in to him. Then I changed my thinking and thought I would try it and you know what? I feel so much better about myself. Make yourself happy. You deserve it! Good luck to you!
A
female
reader, happychick99 +, writes (18 January 2009):
Build up a life and happiness for you outside of your marriage: move on.
We get we we accept, and what we deserve.
Do you deserve better than this?
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A
female
reader, The Doctor  +, writes (18 January 2009):
My Dear...If you choose to loose weight...it should be for yourself...if not anything else for health reasons!
Join a gym, get a trainer to help you...the treainer will also help with gaining better eating habits with healthier food.
AS far, as your husband is concerned...quit rowing! And when he makes those hidious comments about your weight...tell him to take a long look in the mirror...he is not being nice and respectful to you.
Go get yourself in shape, it will help clear your head and you don't have to cook every night...your husband is a grown man and your not his mother...be strong and when he "riles" you...tell him you love him...but you are not go to tolerate this unkind behavior...
The Doctor
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