A
female
age
30-35,
neha3355
writes:i ve a very strange problem....i couldnt have sex with my husband coz i was not able to bear the pain and i broke my marriage....now i go out with guyz but when we come to that point i withdraw making excuses coz i know i wont be able to do it....i m getting desperate and depressed coz of this....i feel i m an abnormal girl....i cant speak to anyone regarding this as ours is a conservative family....in the initial years of my marriage i went to a gynaecologist for checkup along with my husband and she said tht all is normal with me except my phobia for pain...i cant think of remarrying coz of this problem...and life s too long to live alone...plz help
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): you havnt got a problem you have a condition meaning that you are a hypercondriac just like me for those that dont know what a hypercondriac is ill explain a hypercondriac is a person who is afraid of pain, and will do anythink to avoid something remotaly painfull, i was deeply tormented when i was 16 for still being a virgin so admittedly i got very drunk and had a very painful 1 night stand with a big person and it did hurt now i have a great sex life so my advise is all you have to do is handle the pain for the first 2-3 times it will get better hope i helped
natalie
xox
A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (19 January 2008):
you could find someone understsanding who is willing to be extremely slow and gentle during sex, who will stop when you say stop. He could ease you into it. Investigate how people overcome phobias, its usually this way, small steps.
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (19 January 2008):
 If it is indeed a phobia, than go to the doctor that can help you with that.
Some people overcome their phobias alone and will tell you that you can do the same. Perhaps you could. However, if you're already divorced because of this phobia ... and you have been unable to sustain another relationship because of the same phobia ... I would say it is time to see a pro.
I understand that your family is conservative. Don't even think about enlightening them. That's just more stress on you. Doctors that help people with phobias have seen and heard everything. Please believe me when I tell you that your phobia is not so unique.
As for adding the pressure of imagining that you will live the rest of your life alone ... set that one on the back burner. Go take take care of the phobia ... get a second opinion on your physiology ... and when you've finished solving that problem, you can go on to the next.
Take a deep breath. Exhale. Breathing is so important ... not just to sustain life, but to enjoy it. When you learn to breathe properly, you will be amazed at how empowered you will be to overcome your fears ... and enjoy sex ... Really!
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Is it possible for you to go along and have a chat with your doctor. How is this situation viewed in your country? You need to talk to someone in the professional field. Sorry, but i personally cannot advise on this one.
take care
xx
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