A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a sweet, loving boyfriend who worships me. He is trying to improve his life, it took a while, but in an effort to not lose me he started community college six months ago,is maintaining a steady job although it doesn't pay much, and has matured a lot since we first started dating 2.5 years ago(when he had some motivational/substance abuse problems, and we broke up twice subsequently but ended up back together). We laugh, I get along great with his family, he is very loyal to me despite the fact that I am very busy with school and work etc. However I don't feel totally happy, and feel frustrated with all he isn't i.e. he still doesn't have a bank account after hitting a period of unemployment two years ago,he has bad credit, he still lives on his best friend's couch (although he pays half the rent there). We are in our late 20's and although I love him, I'm not sure if I have the patience to continue waiting around for him to grow into an adult. I constantly fantasize about having a partner who already has it together. I have been waiting to see what happens once I finish school in a year (my second degree)but I'm worried that this relationship is going nowhere, and will only continue to frustrate me. Should I consider myself lucky that he obviously loves me enough to put out so much effort (i.e. starting school, working hard, cutting way down on partying, and quitting smoking) or am I just hurting him by staying in a relationship I rarely feel is adequate (I have big dreams, kids, travel, house, a potential business).
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): Give him a chance and just give the situation time. If things don't get better, drop the relationship. Since you are more successful than he is, you might be expecting too much of him. Sounds like he does care for you a lot and I think he is trying. How do you see him trying if anything? If you really don't think it's going anywhere just leave him and save him a heard ache before more time passes. Remember he will be very hurt by the break-up also, are you ready for that? I just hope he doesn't mention it being a waste of his life though, because 2 and a half years is a long time of being together. Do you have more positive things coming out of the relationship than negative? or more negative than positive... And do you know if you can move on, forget about him, live without him, and not blame yourself for breaking his heart... because maybe it could have worked out....?
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Kiddo, you've already said it. You *have* big dreams. And you've already worked hard toward those dreams. What you need to do now is to find someone who shares those dreams, who, like you, has worked hard for them. That's the sort of person who will lift you up, who will propell you to bigger and better things. That's a great future, the one for which you have strived.
It's lovely that your present guy has tried to be better. But honestly it doesn't sound like he's in your class. If you stay with him, he's just going to hold you back. Compliment, build him up, but let him go. You're, frankly, better than him. Move on, and soar.
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