A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help to control my anger before i seriously burst with rage!I absolutly HATE my ex boyfriend with a passion right now, he has made a complete fool out fo me and i have literally just thrown everything he ever bought me on ebay to get rid...including my phone! ive ripped my symcard up and flat out refuse to have anything to do with him...the issue is that my anger is taking over completly. I feel nothing but hatred towards him for making such a show of me and lying to me the way he did, sneaking around and hiding me away and all along i was too stupid to realise what was going on!how can io come to terms with all that is going on inside my mind? i need a healthy way of letting go of him without feeling like im constantly going to bite someones head off!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love in ambivalence. The fact that you HATE your ex says to me that you are still very emotionally invested in him and your relationship with him.
In my opinion from experience, you really are not angry with him… you just are manifesting your anger at yourself towards him as it makes it easier to cope…. You are mad at yourself for not seeing the truth… and now in retrospect the signs that were there are currently crystal clear and you are angry that you didn’t read them correctly.
How long ago did this happen? If it was in the last few weeks… you have every right to be angry at him, at the world, at yourself, at circumstance… anger is part of the grieving process and it’s normal and healthy…. What will hurt you is HOLDING on to this anger…
So if it’s been more than a month.. it’s time to figure out how to forgive yourself and let it go…
In my world we always allow 6 weeks after a break up for complete utter indulgence and misery… after 6 weeks you have to pull up your big girl panties and get on with life… you go out with your girlfriends… you do your hair and your makeup… you go on with LIVING.
To get ready for this however you need to purge your emotions… for me, lots of talking with loving supportive non-judgmental girlfriends helps… and I do mean lots…to the point that my BFF had to enact the 6 week rule… she would put up with obsessive conversations about a lost love for 6 weeks.. then enough was enough.. and I would then resort to writing… long detailed angry letters… I would write them.. and NEVER send them… I might even seal them up and put them in a drawer for reading at a much later date… I’ve done that and now at 53 I read stuff I wrote at 15 to myself and I laugh…..
Living well is the best revenge…
A
female
reader, bama_mobile +, writes (22 February 2013):
 What exactly did he do wrong to you? Why did he make a fool out of you? He did buy you things, so he wasn't bad all the time then? or was he?. You are the one who is losing out here. The greatest payback you could make is for him to see you are happy and so over him. How long has this been now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): Hi. You could try some `emergency` counseling. It will help you to vent and release some of the anger. You could also join a gym and take out your frustration and anger on a punch bag. Thats very good for letting off a full head of steam! I have visited the punchbag more than once and it really does work.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 February 2013):
 Don 'cha just love hate? It's like a slow-acting acid that burns in to you... and makes you wonder why you tolerate it...
Soooo, WHY DO YOU "tolerate it"????? YOUR hatred (of him) isn't going to affect your ex-boyfriend.... In fact, he's more likely to revel in your discomfort about him.... since it validates, for him, just why you and he couldn't continue to spend time together....
Most academes will tell you to take ALL THAT ENERGY that you are currently applying to this hatred and re-focus it on something positive.... Volunteer, read, take up a hobby... find ANYTHING to divert your mind and body from this hatred.... BEFORE it succeeds in eating you up, mentally, emotionally, and - even - physically.
Is your ex- WORTH all this angst in your life??????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 February 2013):
 Hi
You don't say when you split up, if it was days or weeks then still being angry is part of getting over him and will pass. Sounds like you have every right to be mad.
If you split a while ago then no you shouldn't be this angry.You need to let it go and move on.Divert your attention away from him,in time Karma will pay him back.
You being happy and leading a full life,moving on,not wasting a second more of any emotions on him..is the best way to be.
If he thinks he is clever then he is in for a shock because he's the one who will end up unhappy if he treats women that badly.
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