A
female
age
36-40,
*icoleray143
writes:I wont let my Fiance keep the lights on during sex and he loves me and never complains but i am too insecure because of my body because i am fat and big is beautiful but i have like cottage cheese looking fat, oh anyways TMI sorry my Q is how can i over come this wanting to turn off lights during sex issue?? i was thinking maybe candles or something like i dont know, is there things we can tease in the dark to make it more fun during sex maybe??
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female
reader, just a female  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 you know when i first started going out with my bf i really was bothered by what i thought he would be thinking when we had sex with the lights on.i think the main thing to do her is know that he loves you for what you are and how you look, other wise he would not be going out with you or having sex with you.but i think for you and your self esteem maybe it would be good to loose some weight? there is nothing worse than not feeling confident in your self!there are ways to have foreplay and that in the dark, infact me nad my bf do it all the time. as long as you know where his "stuff" are then he will feel the same.most guys want to have the lights on because they are very visual creatures and love to see what they are doing to to you!good luck and i hope everything works out for you!!
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (6 February 2011):
Go ahead and try to lose the weight if you are bothered by it. Nothing wrong with being insecure most are. Im slim and was insecure because I did not really have hips or a butt lol, I have filled in some (just a little) but I really appreciate it and I can have the lights on no problem with my man. But, I still don't have much tone so I plan on really working on that just for myself! Im changing my whole diet just to be healthier..hope this helps some! Everyone has insecurities it's just all about what you are willing to do to help yourself :) I am sure you are beautiful regardless but there is nothing wrong with being more beautiful ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): you have to be comfortable with yourself 1st. i had the same problems before. then i realized by being so insecure i would push good man away or settle for losers. what worked for me was getting naked and pleasing myself with out anyone around.. i had sexy music on , lotion ...and a mirror . i turned myself on so much i couldnt believe it. i started to accept myself..you need to do the same. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (6 February 2011):
 Me too. Anyone can have insecurities about their body. Like you, my boyfriend loves how I look and I'm a small girl, nothing unattractive, but I just don't like to be naked with all the lights on. What we have done is worked on it slowly. Started with a little bit of light from maybe a clock (I used to cover all lights). Then we did a nightlight which actually was super bright when your eyes got adjusted to it. We then tried a tv. And I have done it during the day as well but we have black out curtains so it wasn't extremly bright. Candles are also a good idea. Romantic and a small amount of light without making you uncomfortable. It ended up being a huge turn on for both of us because it was something new and different. It also makes you feel a lot closer because it is something that makes you vulnerable that you shared with only him, it's a new level of comfortability. Luckily how turned on my boyfriend gets when he can see me naked and during sex has made me a lot more confident. He clearly loves the way I look so why think I am unattractive for any reason? You should be able to feel the same way the more you are willing to try and open up.
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female
reader, littlemisshelpful  +, writes (6 February 2011):
This isecurity your feeling isnt really somthing you can just overcome.. Because its in your mind!
You really need to remember that hes your fiance.. If he diddnt like you how you where, he wouldnt ask you to marry him!?. If hes told you he loves you how you are, then he obviously does! You need to start seing that if hes wanting to make love with you, then he doesnt care what you look like, he just loves YOU. Your fiancee is the one person that you can just be open with. But if theres abit more to it, Yes candles are a good idea. Or,try having the light on, but leaving a t-shirt on whilst your doing it. This is somthing you really need to just realize that he loves you, and he obviously thinks your BEAUTIFUL even if you dont!
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (6 February 2011):
None of us have perfect bodies hun.. we all have a few dipples here and there. The key however, is how to hide this and at the same time feel sexy.
Why don't you treat yourself to some nice underwear... we don't always have to be fully naked to make love. You can get some nice inexpensive basques and corsets online, and stockings too... not only will you be helping yourself, but it will be a big turn on for your man, as men do kind of like their woman dressing up for them... The other key is candles, like you stated. Get the lighting right, get some nice underwear on and I guarantee that will do the trick!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 February 2011):
 You have probably heard the expression "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" Well, it's true and your self image is typical. Most everyone thinks their body is not too pretty...try wearing a blindfold if you won't adapt. Remember first you're pleasing him not you.
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A
female
reader, amandab +, writes (6 February 2011):
candles is the answer, you answered your own question, nice smelly candles. remeber none of us are perfect, the fact you are engaged means that he likes you just the way you are warts and all! after all you love his imperfections dont you?
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