A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate having sex with my husband,but I still love him even after 13 years of relationship. He was my first and only sex partner...Is that normal? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): "but the memories are just too unbearable"Are you truly being open and honest with him about your ENTIRE life and your past and your past with him, your needs, your wants, etc, etc, etc?Really open and honest...no holding back?If you are, you need counseling because he isn't listening, or can't understand. If you aren't, then you need counseling because he can't listen to what isn't said.There is that song, by Colbie Caillat "But I never told you what I should have saidNo, I never told you, I just held it in"That is exactly what a lot of partner in relationships do. Counselors can help you say what needs to be said, but you have to be open, honest, and willing.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I would like to hear his side of the story before I condem him but basicly if you don't enjoy sex with him and you feel he is not a good husband then you should get a divorce so he can get on with his life and find someone who does want to have sex with him. And you can do the same.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Next time he comes up to you and wants sex when you do not, tell him he knows where his hand is and that you aren't going to be a sex partner to him until he starts acting like a husband and a father. Then stick to it.
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A
female
reader, Amdz +, writes (16 March 2011):
 What do you mean by "consented rape?". Is he forcing you to have sex against your will? Your descriptions definitely are bordering on that possibility and that is unacceptable! My heart broke when I read your post, because you sound so frustrated and disillussioned by the man you love. From your brief description of him as a husband / father he sounds very unloving and unsupportive of you. It doesn't sound like he is appealing to you as a person right now, so of course sex with him is dreadful and unwanted. As was already mentioned, his approach makes you sound like a blow up doll! The joy of sex with your husband should go beyond the physical satisfaction. If your heart is not with the person and especially if the person is turning you off, there is no point. You might as well be meeting your needs with masturbation. My heart breaks for you. Wish you peace.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Yeah, that makes sense. There needs to be a balance of love shown vs. sex. If he's giving you a hard time about parental and mundane duties, yet comes to you for sex all the time, it's out of balance.
Also, making advances by putting on a condom and then rubbing against you isn't a loving advance. You might as well be a blow up doll for as much care as he's giving to you.
No wonder you hate sex with him. You have needs too! He can't take out on you the fact that his son is being a toddler. What did you mean, he was "stupid" with him? Did he abuse him??
Stand up for yourself. Tell him that he can't be a jerk all day and then expect to use you to get off with. He needs to be as attentive to your needs as he wants you to be with his.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (16 March 2011):
 No wonder you don't want sex, it is not your body that is the problem it is your heart and your mind telling you that you are very unhappy with him and the relatonship in general.
No woman wants sex after fighting with her husband, let alone one who acts like an ass to her and their child all day.
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (16 March 2011):
Not being interested in sex is very common, and research has shown that woman experience on average two periods of life where they have low or non existant interest in sex. I agree with the other aunties - talking about it and reading books will help you understand there is nothing wrong with your or your partner. love is how you choose to express it to your partner be in little love notes, a kiss on the ear as you walk past, a txt saying you bought some new lingerie during the day whatever. Your partner has the same chance to make your relayionship extraordinary. you two are so lucky to be together, enjoy each other every day.
have faith it will be great if you try.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried reading books, spicing up things with massage, foreplay, etc... The truth is, I do enjoy sometimes, but I hate the way he is always after me just for sex. Yesterday he was really stupid with me, left me having dinner alone, talked to me like I was guilty of something and really he was angry because he had to look after our 2-year-old son before I got home from work and he ( our son) was really whinny and clingy. So he was really stupid with our son and lashed out on me later on... I left him be and he said he was going to bed. I didn't disturb him anymore...After half an hour he comes back with a condom, a hard on and starts to rub himself on me,gave me a condom and just waited...I was so angry I couldn't even speak...
And memories like that or consented rape he used to practice with me come to my mind every time I go to bed! We tried to talk about, we are always good with words, he apologises a lot, but the memories are just too unbearable... I don't know what to do!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Dear girl..hating sex with your husband is not a satisfactory way to live.I wonder how he feels about it also? Has it always been like that?The "love' you talk of for him must be similar to brother sister love as it does not include any passion. Perhaps you stay with him for economic reasons,or perhaps sex is not very important to you.If you are asking is it normal,the answer would be no,and certainly not at your age.Does your husband know how much you hate sex with him? If he does he may leave you at some point as everyone needs to feel wanted.You know sex is usuallly a barometer of a relationship and if it is going very badly it usually means there is other unhappy areas that are not being addressed...Wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 What dont you enjoy about your husbands lovemaking? Is he too hasty or doesnt he satisfy you?
Try and identify what is bothering you and either you bring up the subject (very gently) or find a counsellor to assist you.
Need more information.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 March 2011):
What is it that you hate about sex with your husband? Did you always hate sex with him, or was it good before? Are you attracted to him, but the technique is bad? Is he a one minute man? Is he selfish in bed? Have either of you gained/lost weight that make the way you did it before less comfortable?
Does he put you down or watch porn and request things that make you uncomfortable? It's hard to advise you without more info on why you hate it and how long you've hated it.
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