A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was fifteen, I fell pregnant. Me and my boyfriend (who I'm still with) had been together for over a year by then, and I knew what his reaction would be if I just came out with 'I'm pregnant' without me having thought about our decisions first - he would of fainted, and then panicked constantly until I sorted it out. So after taking tests, I decided not to tell him. It took me a couple of weeks of suffering in silence and researching before I made up my mind what to do about the pregnancy, and I told him. When I told him, I didnt tell him what I planned to do until he told me if he would support me, and what he'd prefer me to do. I didnt want to pressure him, or anything. After he said he'd support me in any decision I made, I told him I was thinking about an abortion. I reasoned we had no transport, no home, no finished form of education, no guarantee of our relationship, etc.. He agreed. He came with me to the clinics and appointments, told his family everything, who also supported me. My mum found out, and told me I was a murderer. She ignored me for weeks, and now rubs it in my face at every chance she gets, with snide comments. I also found out I was carrying twins.Years later, I know we did the right thing. But I still feel an emptiness and numbness. I always think of the future me and my family could of had, but my boyfriend refuses to talk to me about it and has told me never to talk to anyone else about it either. I think maybe he wasnt involved enough in the decisions? How can I get him to tell me what he really feels about it, whether he feels any regret? Could I ever have twins again? Do you know anyone who has been in the same situation? I just need to vent, and I don't know how.
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male
reader, Dalmatian  +, writes (24 July 2010):
I am sorry about the loss of your twins. This tragic loss
will cause you grief all your life. The loss of a child
whether by abortion or untimely death after birth is a loss
one never completely gets over. Please seek out a
clergy person or priest that can help you through the
grief process and make peace with G-d. Because you feel
remorse and loss means G-d is calling you to come back to
him. He can make "all things new". My prayer group will
be lifting you up to G-d for healing and renewal.
G-d Bless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): At 15, you were a child, you would have been a child having children and that is never a perfect situation.
I don't understand your mother, doesn't she realize that the only possible solution would have been for her to be the mother of your twins?
I think he is very uneducated. Abortion is not murder. I understand that from a religuous standpoint many believe this to be the case, however science does not back this up, at all.
You can't win in this philosophical argument, people are not going to waiver in their beliefs. That does not mean that you made the wrong decision, you have just as much right as those who disagree with you to decide what is your truth and what is right for your future and those you love.
As far as being able to have twins, of course you can. Having twins is merely a matter of fertilization, which you and genetics have no control over....and why does it matter? You can become pregnant with a child, which is the usual way that reproduction occurs in the huuman population. That should be just fine for you. You can't make your future pregnancies be tit for tat for the fetuses you aborted. That is a cruel way to think of life.
You are blessed that you are still with the man that you love.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 July 2010):
 My friend had a son in a similar situation.. My friend had an early menopause and was desperate to get pregnant. Her son then comes along and tells her his girlfriend is pregnant and they are thinking about an abortion..
Terrible, terrible time, so sad for everyone.
The girls mother was calling her a murder and telling her abortion was wrong. My friends son was telling her that he would support her with any decision. My friend was also willing to bring up the child if needed, but left it up to the girlfriend to decide..
They then found out they were having twins... My friends ex was a twin, and twins run in their family..
The girlfriend decided to abort.
In life, we do what we need to do.. if the time is right, if it's meant to be, then children live. Every time you have sex you could produce a baby. Everytime you have a period, that an egg gone, an egg that could be a child. Everytime a man releases semen, that's millions of children looking for an egg to give them existance..
Life is truely a miracle. You aborted fetuses, children ready to be born, but we do this all the time as I explained. Of course you feel sad, and with your mother's unkindness you have made to feel guilty instead.
You did what you had to do, your mother is very cruel to keep dragging you down and making you unhappy.
You need to spend less time with her if this is her behaviour towards you. Maybe at the time if she had been kinder and more supportive things would have been easier for you.
How to find forgiveness for yourself:
1. Find a priest or holy man and talk to them (if your religious)
2. Write your children a letter about how you feel right now and how things were for you in the past. Forgive yourself for being frightened, alone and human. Forgive yourself for being in the wrong situation at the wrong time.
3. Make your life into something wonderfull. Let your life be a testament to all you have experienced and what you have had to sacrifice. Don't spend your life being sad and unhappy, that would be a true waste of life. Instead find joy in your existance, strive to be the best that you can be, and surround yourself with positive people and let negativity be removed from your world.
You didn't give birth to your children for a reason, that was your path to walk. Now make something of your life to show that it wasn't a mistake, it's just the way things were at that time.
So sorry for your sadness and your grief.. big hugs xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): You know you did the right thing. You made a choice for yourself that you felt was best for everything. I can't tell you if you made the right choice, but you know deep down it wasn't time for you to have babies. It seems like while you were secure in your decision, those closest to you are shaming you for doing something you know was right. Something there's no shame in doing. It's cruel of your boyfriend to tell you to never talk about it, even with him. An abortion can be a tough thing to go through since so many people find it to be so wrong. I am so sorry to hear about your mother, that is so cruel and mean. I think you should talk about it. Don't let people who don't believe in giving women the choice to do what they want with their bodies (whether it's having babies or choosing not have them) the chance to make you feel bad for what you did. You didn't do anything wrong. We need to have the choice to not have children if we can be truly sexually liberated. You may dream of a perfect family, but what about the staying up all night with a screaming infant? What about the having no life at all to take care of them? What about the financial burdens? You must be very strong to be able to get through this with so many people trying to make you feel bad. We as a society need to stop forcing women to live up to such ridiculous standards that no one can live up to. You get pregnant, you have an abortion. People call you a murderer. You get pregnant and have the baby, people call you irresponsible. We can't win. What happens to the man in all this? The woman gets pregnant, not him. Society doesn't do anything to him, doesn't shame him, doesn't crucify him for making a decision. Please be strong, you did the right thing for YOU and your body. And yes, you can have twins again.
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A
female
reader, papertowns +, writes (17 July 2010):
My brothers girlfriend had an abortion when she was 17, and they feel like they did the right thing. I also know people who have had lots of kids later on in life without any troubles. If he told you he'd support you in whatever you chose to do means he was involved enough in the decision. He probably doesn't want to talk about what happened because he doesn't want open that door again, maybe he just wants to move on and look forward to the future. And as for your mom she should have supported you because abortion isn't easy and you needed her, i think you should tell her how hard it was.Good luck :)
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