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female
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*urdy
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for just over 6 months, we moved in together two months ago and both work at the same company and have pretty much been with each other every day. The thing is we have been having silly little nigly arguments over the last few months and it escalated on Saturday night at a company party. We had had a little disagreement earlier on in the day. The argument was just about him commenting on the way I eat because I was eating really quickly as I was hungry. He said I needed to be more polite and have a bit of decorum, and this annoyed me, as I was just being myself at home, and he does things that aren’t very poilite as well. At the party we pretty much ignored each other all night plus he was dancing with another girl in front of me. I got so wound up by the end of the night that on the way home I told him I was sick of him and if he didn’t care about me, he could get lost and I wanted him out of the house. I regretted this afterwards and when we got home I told him I was sorry and didn’t mean it, but he wouldn’t listen and started to pack his things. He wouldn’t even look at me or discuss anything. I told him that I loved him and he means everything to me, but it didn’t seem to matter what I said. He said he was sick of the arguing and had had enough. I have also found out, this morning, from another collegue (who doesn’t really know either of us that well), that she had spoken to him that night at the party. She told him that I looked up-set and he should talk to me, and he said “no”. She asked him if he wanted to sort it out, and he said “it’s too late, it’s gone past that now”. I don’t know what to do now. I know that I do go on sometimes and he hates confrontation and I should learn to back off, and I can see that now that he has gone and I regret everything I have said to him in anger. I want to make this better and work things out, so I thought I could write him a letter explaining how I feel. I love him so much and cannot bear the thought that this is all over because of a few silly arguments. What should I do and how long should I leave it until I send this letter?
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female
reader, Purdy +, writes (6 February 2007):
Purdy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, thank you for your advice. The problem is, it appears that he has already left me. He has literally packed everything (took two trips there and back) and has not said a word to me, other than that he can't deal with the arguments anymore and wants to be himself rather than trying to please me. I accept most of the blame here, becuase he will not argue, but I never let things go until I get a satisfactory answer. My problem with the "eating" argument was that it was trivial, and so I didn't see why I should agree to not doing it again, whereas he was probably thinking, if it offended him, i should appreciate that and not do it again. I am in limbo land now, becuase, although he has left the house, I am still unsure as to exactly why. Everyone argues and our arguments were over silly things, we love each other - so I can't understand why he doesn't want to work this out. He is a very sensitive person, and I know I hurt him by shouting and swearing at him and telling him i didn't want him in the house anymore, but I told him I didn't mean it. I just can't accept this becuase we were so good together, he is a truly amazing person and I feel this is all my fault.
A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Hi. Have you ever heard of stupid pettiness? This sounds like it, life’s to short to hassle about little things when you love someone. Obviously there are deeper issues bugging you guys. Maybe a quick chat to see what you both want out of the relationship is needed... Get some of the intimacy and passion back that got you together in the first place! If it's want you both want you'll work to make it work! Take care.
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A
male
reader, Kurt  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 I read somewhere that if fear is part of love it is not real love but infatuation. It sounds like you have one rollercoaster ride love affair going on but it is not real love.
You're so afraid to lose this guy you're willing to swallow your pride, and who you are.
As hard as this will be you have to dump this guy and never look back. Find a man that doesn't place you in a state of fear whether it be a fear of losing him, or fear of him cheating, you do deserve to feel real love.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Geeze, this relationship is filled with drama! Are you sure you want this? He seems like a little bit of a drama queen.... and you react pretty harshly to him... it seems like if you do start up this relationship again, soon it will go back to the bickering and the drama.
However, if you do reeeeaaallly want this back, I think a letter is in order. Give it a week to rest and calm itself down.. then send the letter and be done with it. If he doesn't reply or call - take that as a sign that it's time to move on. Find someone else.
xxIndia
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