A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I get visions of my girlfriend cheating on me. I don't know if it's the paranoia that I have created in my mind or she is truly cheating on me.In the past, she hasn't shown any traits of doing so, in fact she has always been very loyal and trustful.But, her parents don't approve of me. And, that effects her. Earlier she would tell me she doesn't care of what her parents think. Now she says their opinion is important to her. And I have been with this girl since high school so thats 7 years now. I can't think of being with anyone else. Her family doesn't approve of me, and the worst part they haven't even made an effort to know me. So, I too am apprehensive regarding them. So in the past two-three years she has started lying or keeping things from me regarding them. She never tells me the whole picture about their talks. She protects them, more than me. I have given everything I can possibly give to her. Yet, I always feel shortchanged.Currently, all the lies keep on building and now I think it's because of her keeping things from me about her family that she is lying to me in all aspects of our relationship.I mean, if she is capable of protecting herself and her family before me she is capable of cheating right?Now, it's a Long distance relationship. So, lately I get this VISIONS that she is cheating on me or she is going to. Am I paranoid?
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male
reader, TheCheatCatcher  +, writes (3 May 2009):
Hey buddy,This sounds like a bit of a tough spot your in. From your post I dont know if there is enough evidence there to suggest she is cheating but she does seem to have a lot of loyalty to her family.In a sense your not her 'number 1' and I think that is what is playing on your mind and creating the fear and visions that she might be cheating. After the length of time you have been together maybe she does not want to get married, she is using her family as an excuse to save her from the discomfort of having to break up with you.I dont say that to upset you and it's only one possibility. But I agree it's unfair of her to expect you to sit around waiting until she decides who she wants to!If your worried she might be cheating though I suggest you check out http://cheat-catcher.com to learn the clues and signs that will help you PROVE is your girlfriend is cheating.
A
male
reader, fuglyone  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 I used to do that too. And sometimes I was right and sometimes I was wrong. I finally decided that if I felt like she was cheating on me, it was best to just end it rather than go through the whole time consuming process of fighting about things that may or may not be true. It just sounds like you've been in relationships for far too long and you need to give yourself a break.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys.
@ Siranon - I'm pretty much a hands on person, if anything too a fault, i confront my problems head on. Over the past years it comes of as being too agressive with almost everyone.
Hence, i have been passive about the parents issue. Make an effort to know them?
I did man.. in high school.. in college..but i would get these wierd vibes from them.
They chose to shun me out without even knowing me.
It fills hate in your hate.
And now her dad goes like.
"IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET MARRIED TO HIM, WE WOULD NOT MIND, BUT WE WOULD DO SO WITH A HEAVY HEART"
I guess its not so much a religious issue but an social class issue. Financially things were never important to her, but know they are.
She goes like," I need my father to approve of you"
WTF, after 7 years...she tells this.
So, i give her an ultimatum me or them. She chooses me now. but im concerned who knows tomorrow her grandfather or her gardner or her cook. I dont know. what am i supposed to do. Her family's persitence has really put a hold on our relationship and i dont know if i truely want this.
But i love her and she does me. But i know she needs her family. HOw am i supposed to be okay with someone who wants to take away something that belongs to me.
How more head on do you want me to be?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): - if you are getting visions it would be better if it was lotto numbers or similar.
i think you know the answer here - you are worried about the parents, its inducing a paranoia. this is manifesting itself as her cheating.
talk to her - learn about her parents and make friends with them. Of course they wont like you, you are the big bad wolf who has stolen there sweet innocent daughter.
find what they like and build a rapport.
Star.x.
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A
male
reader, siranon +, writes (21 April 2009):
There are a few things going on here.First, I've been married for 10 years and have known my wife for over 13, and I had the same thing happen to me while dating and then even into the first couple of years of marriage. I kept thinking she was going to cheat on me, even though she is one of the most loyal, dependable, truly loving people I know. When I look back, I can see it was because 1) No one had ever been faithful to me - I don't mean girlfriends, because she was my first - I mean, all the people that were supposed to love me in life had failed (big family issues there), which is why I was afraid to ever date, this led to 2) I gained weight after marriage and she was way, way, way more attractive than me after that point. I've since lost the weight, but during that time I couldn't help wonder, "why is she so faithful to me? What is it that she sees in me?"When I look back, I can see that I had some issues to work through, not the least of which was dealing with my past and killing my self pity and self protectionism. The issues probably aren't the same for you, but the paranoia is most likely the result of some kind of issue, and most likely the one you mention here (her parents don't like you). I think you'll find such paranoia isn't as abnormal as you think and that everyone has been tempted to worry at one time or another in similar situations. My main suggestion would be to deal with this main issue head on.And the main issue is your relationship with her parents.The fact is, I had so many friends in a similar situation at various times (mostly during college). Most of them thought, "screw the parents, we're in love, this will work out." And it has only worked out for 1 out of 9 friends (that I can think of off the top of my head). All the rest of those relationships failed around 7 years of marriage. The parents do make a difference in the long run somehow, especially if she is starting to admit that their opinion is important to her.So, find out what their real issue is. If I were you, I would take the bull by the horns and actually schedule a meeting with them. Maybe take them out, sit them down, and say, "look, I love your daughter, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win you over." Woo them. This may not work, especially if their issue is religious or social class related, but it is worth a shot.If you just can't work it out with the parents, then you will have to have a real heart to heart with her. She has to be completely willing to sever her tie with her parents, at least until her parents start accepting you, if the two of you are going to stand a chance. And she has to be able to do that without any resentment toward you for putting her in that place. If she isn't willing, then you need to take your bull by the horns and walk away. Don't waste your life in a relationship that just has no hope.
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A
female
reader, hlb01 +, writes (21 April 2009):
this is probably abit different because of the circumstances, but i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and i also think these things, such as il have dreams of him where he cheats on me,
but i've always been very jelous when its come to him and girls so i blame alot of it on that,
however when i had a dream once of him kissing a girl at this place he went to,
the next day he told me that a girl tried to kiss him,
and since that turned out to be atleast half true as he swears he didnt actually kiss her, but its pretty freaky that i had a dream about it then next day he tells me!
so i think u shud go with ur instinks, as a vision or dream may mean something, like mine, i think you should tell her your concerns and see what she has to say, and since you think shes been acting wierd recently maybe its time to get some answers if she has been cheating
good luck!:)
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