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I get put on the back burner when he has his daughter

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 July 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2010)
A age 36-40, * writes:

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now. He has a 4-year-old daughter from a previous marriage and I a 3-year-old-son. Chemistry was great between us and the both kids. We decided to move into together fairly quick and have been living together for the past 6 months. Previous to this he only got to see his daughter on weekends. At the time I noticed that he seemed very cold with me in front of his daughter. Showing no affection and what not. So i brought it up to him and said he wasn't ready to display affection in front of his daughter until we lived together. Fine! Understandable. Then we moved in together and for the first few weeks things seemed as if they were progressing!!! Now we get his daughter every other week. For the past few months when we have here at our home it seems as if he puts our relationship on the back burner. He is always loving on his daughter- kissing her and hugging her telling her he loves her, but will never display that towards me. They are off in their own world it seems. He is great with my son and shows him so much attention even when his daughter is home with us. I feel so alone these weeks. We get along great and have such a good time with each other when she is with her mom, but then I'm non-exsistent when she is there. I've tried numerous times to explain how I feel to him and he calls the jealousy card. I love him and his daughter. What should I do?

View related questions: jealous, kissing, moved in

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010):

Do yourself a favour don't compete with a baby or you will loose.

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (29 July 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntI'm going to take an optimistic stance here.

He's trying to balance his relationship with the two most important women in his life. It's important to him that, first and foremost, his daughter like you. Perhaps he feels (and I tend to agree with his reasoning, if so), that his daughter would resent it if he showed you too much affection in her presence. Young girls in her situation often do have adverse reactions to that sort of thing.

The guy is playing it safe to avoid potential unpleasantness. Please try to be patient and deal with it in a positive way.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010):

Your boyfriend is with his daughter, his own flesh and blood, whom he sees less often than he sees you. I think you're probably way out of line here with being jealous of a little girl and her daddy. For good parents, children always come first, and that's what he's doing when he gets to see her.

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