A
female
age
36-40,
*url25
writes:Hi everyone! I'm 25yr I'm a housewife and mother of 3 (3yrs, 2yrs and a 6m)have been married for 3yrs but been together for 6yrs with my husband...our relationship has been going through rough roads for the pass years mainly coz I feel neglected most of the time. I work my ass of everyday taking care of the kids making sure the house is clean and making sure I still have enough so I can give my husband some attention aswell I ended up forgetting about myself in the process. my husband does what pleases him like hanging out with his boys or coworkers and even when his home he mostly spent his time in the computer or txting which time that he could spend with me, we could hardly do go out coz i don't like bother my parent or his parents to baby sit and he dont really ask me to go out coz with our situation one income and 3 kids we hardly getting by with help from our parents. Recently we argued that he ended up saying things to me that I don't think I could forget, I think we both did. He said that he really didn't want to get married and that I'm not really good in bed (there was more but these two things was the worst) after he told me that I couldn't say anything else. I cried and cried for hours I don't even remember falling asleep. At this point, I don't know what to think or how to continue. He told me to forget the whole thing that it never happened. He didn't apologized nor did I for things that came out that night. I'm just so lost and confused, i still love him regardless of what he said I just don't know how to go from here. I know I'm not perfect and I have my faults in life I though my marriage wouldn't be one but now I think I'm wrong. I feel like my mistake is that I gave my husband all I got that now I got nothing left for me. Please anyone that have any advice I thank you in advance( please don't judged me I got enough of that around me)
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 It seems as though he is completely letting go of this marriage. Was he always this inconsiderate of your feelings? You did nothing wrong. All you did was try to be the best mother for your children and the best wife for him. Yet he still blames you for all these problems when he has absolutely no right to.
Just leave him so you can spend some time taking care of yourself and finding yourself again. You are a good person, do not let this man, who is so blindly destroying this marriage, continue to ruin you. Perhaps one day if you seek, you shall find a someone who will treat you just as well as you treat them.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, Gurl25 +, writes (7 December 2010):
Gurl25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA couple days ago, I opened up again to my husband how his relationship with this female coworker makes me uncomfortable. He always says that I'm just jealous maybe a little bit but that's not the whole story. He txt or chat with this girl more than we do, she calls him sometimes 1am and he does pick up or respond to her txts. They joke in txts or chat or at work about dirty stuff like "I want u" come in the lover room with me" (he tells me all this stuff) Before she was just an acquaintance from work she became a friend and he just admitted to me that now he treats her like one of his bestfriend just like his best friend that he has since he was 6. he tells me they have alot in common and that they get along great. After he told me all these things I just felt I lost my best friend and husband all at the
same time. I'm not really sure where I stand now, he doesn't hide anything that's got to do with her by i feel like he doesn't consider my thoughts or how this stuff making me feel. I don't want to have reason not to trust him but I think it's too late for that.
My husband was the only guy I dated but even before I fell inlove with him he became my best friend first and I slowly trusted him with everything in my life, but now I just felt betrayed, abandoned by him not as a husband but as a friend. Our relationship also became one-sided, he says that I'm always wrong, or I'm crazy or I just don't have anything else to do (he tells me this coz I'm at home mom just temporary though). At this point I felt so destroyed about the stuff that he tells me (I'm a bad mother, bad wife, I don't satisfy him or I'm not that good in bed etc...which he said that honor said these things coz he was mad) but I don't quite understand why I
can still say I still love him the same. Last night I ask him if we can try counseling he said no coz he don't want to spend money on something he knows how to fix. He told me it's only "ME" that has to change, I have to change and everything would be better. I'm so physically tired taking care of 3 kids and keeping a good home, mentally exhausted about stuff that bothers me that I just can't release on anyone, and emotionally drained coz of the way my marriage right now. Almost 7yrs ago I became someone's girlfriend then a wife then a mother. I was jumping from a different role to role that I lost myself in the process and now I'm trying to get myself up and it's so hard. My husband the one person that I though would help me pretty much just dragging me down more with his actions and words.
Today, I was struggling with a decision and going through list what I have done wrong that made this relationship like the way it is now. And I had found the answer... I given him all of me, I love him more than i love myself, cared for him more than I cared for myself and I support him and back him up on whatever it is he do. I didn't left anything for me. In other words, he saw or he knew that I wouldn't be anything without him that was my mistake. I want "US" back, the
way we are to each other. But I can't do it by myself. I need him to go through this together but I don't see it that he would coz he had made up his mind that it's just all on me...
Please any advice or suggestions and pleas don't judge me like others did :-)
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A
female
reader, Gurl25 +, writes (17 November 2010):
Gurl25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday was pretty hectic than usual coz my boys are sick & my husband had to do an overtime but I'm glad he did coz I actually was fine & I didn't called him or txt him once (coz he said I do that to check up on him at work) he did called me though to check up on the kids & see how's everything at home. He got home ate dinner went to bed then now went hack to wok again. I think I did pretty good today, didn't complain that he went to computer first before greeting me it bothered me but it took a lot to hold my mouth to say something. At the end now I'm lying in bed I feel a relief that all day I actually feel fine not seeing him & not look for him believed me my husband probably loving it that I don't bother him :-)
There is something that I had forgot to mention though it's probably nothing but I kinda thought about it today he told me in one time that we had a fight it's about this coworker that I had ask him about the msg I saw in the phone joking around about wanting each other etc, he told me that they just have alot in common that I shouldn't be jelouse I told him I wasn't it's juz that I find it weird he response to her txt msg in the middle ofthe morning or they respond really quick with FB post or comments even his cousins was like who the he'll is this girl but I dont pay no mind to it, or should I? The fact that he admitted that they have alot in common & that his crew (night shift crew) juz get along great( oh these r the ppl he hangsout with every sat before work) it was bothering me a lot before but now it's just a little bit odd...any thoughts about his one???
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A
female
reader, Gurl25 +, writes (16 November 2010):
Gurl25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThan u so much for all your response it definitely giving me a different view instead of just taking everything on my own. I'm a very private person & I don't like talking to relatives about my marriage I don't know why but definitely this site gave me a sense of comfort that I'm not the only one that goes through this kinda stuff & I know that there's people out there that going through worst & I hope they find this site helpful as I did :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): you said in your update "I guess being intimate with wasn't important in my side as much as I hate to admit it coz most of the time I'm not emotionally attached to be with him in that way. His the tye of guy that juz wants it coz he wants it & I lost the urge to be like that. I wanted to be romantic in some way like when we were dating"
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT! In the begining you are infatuated with a beautiful man and you want to be all you can be for him. After 3 kids i can only imagine how that has changed I have 1 kid but i also work and he does not work and I feel the same way you do. It sucks for them because it is so different than before, my husband has told me why cant you be like you used to be. But looking back giving in to his sexuall demands and needs are not what a woman is for. You take care of his children, you clean, cook, many many other things are involved with keep a house and family together. You are probably just exhausted.
I have been trying to get through to my husband that I NOW need more than just "hey you want to go to the bedroom?" I kind of dont want to hear that anymore, I want to be kissed and touched and spoken to softly in my ear, I want romance. And when he gives me that, it is the best sex of our lives, which means he wins also. My husband has also told me things such as I suck in bed, he doesnt wnat to be with me anymore. Its very emotionally damaging and of course when you hear that, you are not going to want to give them what they want sexually or otherwise. You do need to find yourself again, and make your husband see what you are doing.
That is what I am working on also, I have also been with myhusband for 6 years. I have been told if you get past the 7th year in a relationship you are good to go, so we both are at that supposed point in our relationships. We have to work at it to make it work but so does the man. Dont let him tell you that he works all day and you get to stay home and use that as an excuse of some type. I have never been a stay at home wife, but I still do all the household chores and work, I know how hard it can be maintaining a house and it is a day to day job and on top of that 3 KIDS!!! you have alot on your plate so keep your head up. You are a beautiful woman and deserve more than you are getting, so make it happen. Stand up for yourself. You are the only one who can make yourself happy.
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A
female
reader, Gurl25 +, writes (16 November 2010):
Gurl25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u everyone! I certaintly lost myself through out the pass couple years coz of the change, bein married then kids it was certainly was a challenge for both of us. My husband is a great father but I think he forgot that his a husband too. I guess being intimate with wasn't important in my side as much as I hate to admit it coz most of the time I'm not emotionally attached to be with him in that way. His the tye of guy that juz wants it coz he wants it & I lost the urge to be like that. I wanted to be romantic in some way like when we were dating but when I tried to talk to him about it all he could say to me is that "don't worry I won't touch u again" I know our main problem is communicating but I can't do it by myself when we talk it's always one way it's always about what I do wrong & he keeps telling me he ain't doing anything wrong. But I'm gonna try to put more attention to me after I'm done & I know the kids are set for the day after all nobody can really appreciate me more than me... Thanks again I know the change I have to do is going to be hard but I have to try coz I want my kids to grow up in a healthy environment that has to start with me & him...thanks again:-)
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (16 November 2010):
Is there anywhere you can go to be away from your husband? It sounds as though he has stopped caring about this marriage completely. Any family or friends that you and your children can stay with? If you do, you may be able to get a divorce.
I know that a divorce may or may not seem drastic but he said he never wanted this marriage and he so willingly insulted you, his wife, the mother of his children, the woman who gave him everything. I do not think you should stay with him anymore. Be free to find the happiness you deserve.
I hope that helps.
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