A
female
age
30-35,
*zzy1991
writes:Im having a hard time with my bf whom is homeless at the time.he was living w me at my mothers but he wasnt trying to better himself to better our relationship .which upset my mother i was not willing to put myself out in the streets nd i did wat i had to do although i couldnt say the same for him. I can bearly support myself .i did all i can to help him but in the long run he ended up in the streets .i love him nd felt awful so i was willing to give him my vehicle to sleep in .now i cone to find out he has some girl staying in the car that i gave him in order to not be out in the cold .im so upset .a part of me wants to be a cold hearted person nd say u know wat screw him nd take the car back since i so habe the pink slip or should i just let it go as well as cutting all ties with him.but idk .what do u guys think i should do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2022): We can't edit once we push send; we have no editing option for corrections on this website. Please forgive my typos!
I mean to say:
"Look at [it] this way, now you know he is no longer committed to you; but you've extended an act of kindness for the time being."
"I apologize to whomever this remark may offend; but I often say that it is very difficult to offer relationship advice to women over 30 about remaining with men who abuse them, [or] repeatedly cheat on them."
"He will even threaten to [fight] her for her children!"
"The liability is subject to your vehicle insurance coverage; and it could be cancelled by the insurer, if there is [an] accident."
"It isn't safe to use motor vehicles as shelters for heat; because the carbon dioxide fumes from the exhaust could lead to death, if these fumes accumulate within the vehicle as the occupants are sleeping in it."
Better said:
"An old-vehicle (not properly maintained) left running for a long period of time, could overheat; and burst into flames."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2022): Perhaps it was a typo, but don't you mean your EX-boyfriend?
Look at this way, now you know he is no longer committed to you, but you've extended an act of kindness for the time being.
I apologize to whomever this remark may offend; but I often say that it is very difficult to offer relationship advice to women over 30 about remaining with men who abuse them, repeatedly cheat on them. It's difficult to suggest leaving to women remaining with men who don't reciprocate respect or love for them; when they feel they've reached an age where they don't feel men will want them. Of course, a narcissist will convince them over time they can't be replaced. Repeatedly chiseling at their self-esteem and breaking them down mentally; until they are convinced that this lie is true.
Just judging by those who write us, it seems many fully-adult and mature-ladies have more difficulty in letting go of bad-relationships; and basically come here looking for advice on how to fix or change the men in their lives. Younger-women fallback on their youth, and the resiliency we have when we are still young; feeling the world is our oyster, and time is on our side! It's difficult to let age determine for them what their options are when it comes to men and relationships. Time and time again, well-experienced women will fend-off any comment to leave him by making the disclaimer in their posts "...but I love him!"
It's easier said than done, of course. A lot has been invested, there are psychological issues that prevent some women from detaching; due to long-term emotional and psychological trauma and abuse. Some are threatened with physical harm, if they attempt to leave. He will even threaten to fighter her for her children! I'm not talking about those women. I'm talking about those who insist he loves them, when evidence says otherwise. They want to believe he does just because he can mouth the words "I love you."
You can't just walk away from a husband, there are legal ramifications; and a matter of child custody for those with children. If that loser is just a no-count boyfriend, kick his smelly buttocks to the curb, and bite the bullet until you get-over him!!!
Cold-turkey withdrawal from that relationship is pure hell; but you must turn to God and prayer! Search for any and every other resource for help; until you pull through, and can get-on with your life. My dad used to joke, "Nothing hard is easy!"
You have to disconnect emotionally; and just see this as a charitable act to keep a homeless-person from freezing in the cold. Maybe it's divine-intervention that has stepped-in, to show you the man you've held-on to isn't the right guy for you. It appears that he is taking advantage of your devotion and love for him.
Take my advice as you will, I can't make you do anything; and I don't advise on this site with the intention of running lives, or dictating to people what to do. I've been dealt some hard blows in my life, and I've witnessed some really terrible relationships among women I truly care about. I have seen things I can't un-see, and have heard things I cannot unhear; while women I care about try to hold-on to terrible men. In spite of how badly they were treated. It kills me to recall those incidents that occurred that I've born witness to.
Have a document signed by both occupants of the vehicle; agreeing to return it by your chosen date. Have it notarized by a notary republic; officially taking back your vehicle by the agreed date, as it was wisely suggested by Honeypie. Thereby giving you the right to repossess your vehicle; and officially evicting him, and the woman, from your vehicle. If they attempt to leave without notification, or keep the vehicle beyond the date agreed, report the vehicle as stolen.
Remember this. If you are allowing him to drive the vehicle; you are liable for traffic tickets incurred, and any traffic violations involving the vehicle registered under your name. The liability is subject to your vehicle insurance coverage; and it could be cancelled by the insurer, if there is a accident. Thereby leaving you liable for damages or injuries involving that vehicle. It was not a wise move from the start, but he has used it up-to now as a temporary shelter. It isn't safe to use a motor vehicles as a shelter for heat; because the carbon dioxide fumes from the exhaust could lead to death, if these fumes accumulate within the vehicle as the occupants are sleeping in it. An older vehicle could overheat, and burst into flames. This is all very risky.
This is a word of caution, and you can contact a lawyer (pro bono) to confirm any inaccuracy in this advice.
Do what you will, as far as he is concerned. I just don't think it was a good idea offering him the car; because you can't control what happens to the vehicle once it's in someone else's use.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2022): If it's your car, it's your right to take it back. He should have used the opportunity he had whilst staying with you and your mum to better himself, as you say. Are there no services where he could seek shelter or some support to get back on his feet? You can still support him as a friend by pointing him to sources of help, but I suggest you get your car back and end the relationship (in that order)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 February 2022):
 Well, spring is around the corner, tell him you want your car back by End of Feb or March - so he has 30-60 days to find a shelter or another place to stay.
Also, why do you call him your BF? When he is shacking up with someone else?
I think it's time for you to let him go in every way. He isn't working on improving his life, your mom is right. And YOU are NOT responsible for giving him a roof over his head. Not now, not ever.
He needs to get his act together.
Question is, DO you need the car? Can you sell it and help yourself with the money? Do you need the car to get a better job?
HE shouldn't be your priority. Nor his needs or wants. Or some other chick.
I'd definitely end the relationship, OP. You need to get yourself on your own two feet and be responsible for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (12 February 2022):
 Is the car worth much? Can you afford to just "let it go"? If so, I would be the bigger person here, cut all ties but let him keep the car. After all, it is the only place two homeless people have to sleep. I promise, in the long run, you will feel like it was the right thing to do.
However, if you need the car or cannot afford to let him keep it, ask for it back. You don't have to give a reason, or at least not the reason that he has some other female living in it with him. Say you need it for work or make some other excuse, and insist on its return.
Either way, cut ties with him and find someone more in tune with your needs and goals. Leave him to lead his life how he sees fit.
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