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I filed charges against my wife because she pulled a knife on me

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 March 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 March 2009)
A male United States age , *ill29 writes:

a month ago my wife was arrested for domestic violence against me her husband She had threatened me with a knife during an argument over finances. The incident lasted 5 minutes and she calmed down immediately I was angry and called 911 immediately The police arrived and arrested her for menacing and having a knife. It happened so quickly and the officer questioning me never asked me if I wanted her arrested. at the arrangement they issued a order of protection against her which I also did not request. We have a good marriage and this is her first offense. i spoke to her and she states how could i have this and was embarrased and humuliated. I want to drop the charges and make sure she does not get a record. what do you advise

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

Personally I think you did the right thing even though obviously the outcome is now severe. I should ask you this.... What would have happened next time in an argument if she thought she could pull a knife on you and get away with it? What was the next stage? Do you have children that witnessed this? What would you have done if she had pulled a knife on one of them? I am a female who speaks as a victim of DV and it only gets worse and worse if nothing is done. Once my husband had physcailly assaulted me (I never reported anything) I could no longer love him physically and then the emotional love vanished - it was the end of our relationship. Could you honestly have ever looked at your wife the same again knowing she pulled a knife on you? I think you don't want to see her in this way as your bubble is burst - you want the woman back she was before she did this. She will never be the same again and neither will your relationship. You took the correct action.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (2 March 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntI would advise that you get a lawyer. I think that a domestic violence charge cannot be withdrawn by the plaintiff after the defendant has been arrested and charged. This is to prevent abused spouses from being intimidated into dropping charges--the abuser must face the legal system. So you are caught in this particular legal framework, and I think at this point, you will need an attorney to steer you through.

I cannot vouch for this website at all but I have seen it on a question in the past:

Unfortunately, you both must face the consequences of this domestic violence incidence. When everything gets boiled down, your wife drew a knife on you. That's pretty extreme. Frankly, I don't blame you for calling the police; obviously, you didn't know about the law's severe stance on domestic violence, or you wouldn't have called. Being embarassed and humiliated and arrested is what happens to people who threaten others with knives. It's the consequence of threatening violence.

Get her a lawyer, and I believe you can testify on her behalf should the case go to trial.

Good luck.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (2 March 2009):

jessica04 agony auntHey, a knife is a knife. I don't blame you for calling. Understand though that the police must make an arrest on an assault call. This happens even if she was flipping out and you slap her and admit it, they will take you into custody, even if you're the caller.

Talk to a defense attorney (not us) about how to drop the charges.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

At this point, it may be too late to drop the charges. Even if you decide you don't want to go to court, this is at the discretion of the D.A. They may decide to proceed if they have enough evidence.

I suggest you and your wife go to the D.A. together if this is what you want. They may decide to drop the charges if she enters anger management, which I think would be a good thing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

It is your choice to drop the charges. Although then it is still up to the D.A. whether to continue with the charges. The damage is done. You can try to right the wrong (if you feel it was wrong)

Did you actually feel threatened? You said in your post that she calmed down immediately. So, because you were angry, you chose revenge! Now it is up to you to undo all this legal mess! She will probably get off with probation if there are no other incidents of violence on record. But if you two remain a couple, you will faced with a lot of legal expenses and fines!

I wish you and your wife good luck (if she chooses to forgive you)

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