A
female
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anonymous
writes:I feel really lonely as I dont really have many friends and the ones I do have either arent good (they only treat me nicely when they want something, if they dont have a need to use me for anything they treat me like crap) or they are too busy with their bf's to really see me. So I spend pretty much all weekend at home with my family and although I love being with my family, I want a change here and there you know.Im a full time university student and I spent my first year at uni with my bf and didnt venture out to make any new friends. Me and my bf however broke up on the holidays. Last month I started my 2nd year at uni and I feel so so alone as I dont have a bf or any friends really. I do talk to other people andstuff but it never goes any further as in like hanging out outside of uni. It doesnt help that the majority of uni students spend all weekend drinking and im not into that. Im a bit to shy to really suggest anything to do with anyone and I feel like they dont really wanna be my friends cause they all have there tight as groups already so why would they need me, another friend? They dont. Any adivce?
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broke up, shy, university Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 I don't think you have a major problem making real friends, just seems your social life is on a quiet break which is no biggie.
You sound more like a leader than a follower and seem confident enough not to make friends just for the sake of it. That's probably why you don't get dragged into the drinking circles or the little cliques that form as niether seem to have a purpose that suits you if they have any purpose at all.
So maybe you should start thinking outside the box, and change direction a little by looking at social activities outside, not just within, the unversity. Aim for what interests you rather than just for "friends" in the shallow sense as it appears that is just not you.
I'm sure you can develope your laudible sense of doing what you like, when you like, into creating your own social circles and therefore you will inevitably pick up a few real friends on the way. Not drinking companions, or desperate Uni cliques, but real mates.
Good luck!
Waz
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Hi Hunny
You need to get that confidence in yourself so that you dont have friends that take you for granted and just use you, Thats horrible and can make you feel just awfull hunny. Plus its always hard when you have just broken up with your b/f to start all over again and find new friends and new things to do sweetheart..First hunny dont let these people treat you this way they are not your real friends at all, Im going to send you some links on how to get you self esteem up and when you feel better in your self and stronger you will be more confident to be able to say no to being used and find and approch new people hunny.....http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.htmlhttp://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/sexandrelationships/relationships/200692.html
Here are two links hunny the last one is someone with a problem like yours with a great answer to go with it and a self esteem link at the bottom, I hope these two links help hunny if you need a chat at anytime message me WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Annalisa + ♥, writes (15 April 2008):
 Friends are like true love: they enter your life unexpectedly. You just need to get out more, enjoy your own company, join a sports club or a new course.
Get involved in something new like a group at your local church which brings food to the poor! You will meet new people and being in an environment where people are doing something they want to do, they won't be wih their friends, so you can talk to each other, have a lough and get to know each other.
Even if people have lots of friends, every friend is a treasure and people like making new ones. And just maybe, they don't yet have a friend like you!
God bless you and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your advice its helped alot :)
Yeah I know I should of maintained my friendships when I was with my ex bf, but in all honestly before I met him I was basically in the situation I am in now. All my friends had bfs so I didnt see them that much even though I wanted too.
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A
female
reader, LTron  +, writes (15 April 2008):
I can really relate to your situation. My first year of University was a lot like yours. All of my peers were always down at the bar (I'm a non-drinker) or at parties. My old school friends were with their boyfriends/girlfriends. It sucked.
What I can say though is that there are other people who will share your sense of fun. It might take a little bit of time to find them (it did for me!) but once you do it will be so worth it. I find that opening yourself to new people helps. Smiling and laughing makes you seem more approachable, and if you don't disregard anyone, then great! I treat everyone as a fun mystery. You unwrap little pieces of their personality with each conversation!
If meeting people in large lecture rooms is an issue (like it was for me) I suggest the old methods - joining clubs with common interests, maybe even something like a community college dance class? Whatever you feel like doing. I'm sure you will find people who are just waiting to hang out with you!
A good piece of advice in general though is to maintain friendships whilst in a relationship - it can be tempting to have eyes only for your boyfriend, but unfortunately boyfriends can be very temporary.
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