A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Currently separated-marriage wasn't good in general for multiple reasons. Know it's better that we aren't together, but I miss my family being together (we have a small child). I know it's not true, but it SEEMS like everyone is married and has their families intact. I feel like a failure. It's also been very difficult for me to branch out and make any new friends. At my age, it seems like everyone is married and has kids or is exclusively dating someone. I don't have any single friends to go out with, and some of the friends I have that are part of a couple act awkward around me-including treating me like a threat to their relationship-I've never done anything to invoke these feelings.I feel like the odd one out. Not married, not really single, and I have a young child. Most of the time, I can't find anyone to hang out with-much less date! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): Your definitely not a failure and although you diddn't plan this it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy life anymore. What you need to do is get yourself out there and if you have not got any single friends then try and make some new friends and start doing new hobbies, train for qualifications or do some volunteering work if you have the time because these are great ways to meet new people that share your
interests and these are not only great ways to make new friends you could also meet a guy that you like. And if you don't meet a guy that you like but make some good friends then you can try the dating thing together. Because you are in and your flirty thirties and you need to go out and live your life to the full.
Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Who cares what other people have? You don't know how happy they are or what problems they have. Just get out there, date guys and find yourself a good man. Look out for your own happiness and forget everyone else's.
Try dating websites. Join a club, if you want to learn dancing or whatever go find some lessons?
Just get yourself out there and have fun. You'll meet new people you just have to get out there.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (6 February 2013):
 It certainly sounds like the bottom fell out of your life and your reactions and feelings are completely understandable and normal. I am sure you are dealing with the repercussions of suddenly finding yourself single and the thought of forever being dashed away.
Let's look at reality in noting that roughly 50% of marriages fail. It isn't uncommon these days and while sad it does happen to the best of people. Sometimes relationships don't work out no matter how hard a couple tries.
Yes your old friends will act strangely around you. They don't want to be disloyal to your ex and aren't sure who to side with. Also married couples tend to hang with married couples. They do married couple things and aren't likely to be found in the same places that single people go to. Those that truly WERE your friends (through thick and thin) will BE your friends even while the turmoil of your divorce unfolds.
First off, you may want to hold off on dating right away. Get your life settled and in order before you introduce the drama of a man into it. Be sure that your child is well taken care of and knows that she is important. If you are suddenly investing time in a new guy, she may feel as second rate and you may be unable to give the attention each one deserves.
Secondly, take a deep breath and your treat yourself well. This is a very emotionally and stressful time filled with lots of changes. You may find it helpful to talk to a therapist or a friend. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you will help put things into perspective.
You may find it useful to read "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner.
Eddie
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