A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and what bothers me is that he has a long time friend (female) that lives with him because of her family issues. Whenever i go over to his house i feel like i'm the 3rd wheel and me and him can't just hang out we all have to hang out. I have been trying to be open with my boyfriend but everything i tell him he just goes and tells his friend (female). I feel like i have to compete for my boyfriend, and it sucks. My question is, how am i suppose to handle this issue, its hard to talk to him because he just tells his friend (female), and i'm afraid that things are just going to get really awkward. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LouLee  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 i think you should start to try and have more alone time with him. (not at home) maybe you could go out for the day to a park or anywhere thats just you 2. when you're with him AND her... i know you'll probably find it hard but try to be nice to her, dont see it as a competition because it's not.. think of it as her being a bit lonely and you and your boyfriend are trying to keep her company, other than that..be more loving towards your boyfriend infront of her... like cuddle up or kiss him. she'll soon see that she needs to get her own bf. x
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (20 February 2008):
 Ok I can appreciate he has a close female friend but running and telling her everything you say is not a good thing at all.
I agree with LJOO1; you should be his number 1 priority over this female friend.
Having said that you don't want to make enemies. If I were you I'd be friendly and encourage her to come out with you and your bf and his and your friends.
You also need to have quality time with your bf, just the two of you, without the "female sidekick" so go out for dinner and do things together too.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 She is his long time friend and they have developed a certain close rapport .
You need to be good friends with her as she seems like his special adviser on love affairs. LOL!
You are his g/f and you need to watch your steps and be friendly with her.
Well! You love him and he comes with a female sidekick. You will have to try to accommodate her as best as you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): From what you've said, this sounds pretty upsetting for you, and he's putting you through too much. You're his girlfriend, you should be number 1 priority on his list, and he needs time with you, and only you. I think you should go and tell him you really need to talk to him privately, maybe go in his room, and tell him how you feel. Explain to him what it feels like always being 2nd best to her, and how you can't tell him anything any more in case he's telling his female friend. This is really quite unkind of him, I feel so sorry for you, you don't deserve to feel like you have to compete for his attention honey. So just do your best to talk to him about it, and if he's not acting as though he's that bothered, then maybe he doesnt appreciate you as much as he should, and you could then reconsider your relationship together. But all I'll say is make sure you get more than this, and make sure you're treated right, you deserve much more.
Good luck.
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