A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been breaking up/trying to make up with my boyfriend for the past 2 months. I love him very much and I think that he loves but he's just so confused with things, I'm not sure he wants anything to do with me right now. After fighting it for two months I've finally mentally let him go but the problem is that my self-esteem is absolutely shot now. I use to eat so healthy, work out, have a great social life.. now I have no appetite (I've been trying to force myself to eat so that I dont do any damage to my body), no energy to work out and do anything besides go home and lie in bed. Even though everybody tells me to the contrary, I just feel like I'm almost good enough, out of a shape and like there is the cloud of negativity falling me around and pushing people out of my life. I've tried to stay positive, think positive but I feel like its a losing battle. Any tips on post-break up depression? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): OMG! I agree with your (the posters) response. SAME THING happened to me. However, he moved to another state and wants nothing to do with me. It happened so quick and he has thought NOTHING of it. He told me he wanted to be "friends" but how do you go from girlfriend to "friend" overnight?
I agree with everyone elses' posts---totally ignore him. Its all you can do to feel better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone, thanks for the responses and words of encouragement. Its just difficult for me because I only wanted a serious, long-term relationship with him and he agreed that he was interested in the same. So I feel betrayed that on the first sign of trouble that could have been SO EASILY worked out he shut down faster than a cat on fire. And he keeps telling me the same thing over again, I really like you but there's stuff going on in his head, so it makes me feel like I'm almost good enough.. he likes me but not enough to overcome his own issues.
It would seriously been so much EASIER if he'd just said.. sorry, I just dont like you, your personality, the way you look, I like someone else, I'm gay, instead of saying I want you/you cant have me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Aw I'm sorry you are going through this. Its completely normal to feel the way you feel right now. You are mentally exhausted and drained after two torturous months of being in limbo.
Listen I just went through this a few weeks ago. I got dumped by someone I REALLY REALLY liked...I didn't ask questions and I just accepted the fact...but when I got home, I think I cried my eyes out for an hour. In fact, the first two weeks were ROUGH. I felt just like you...I saw no hope and I felt like I was ugly...it was awful...rejection sucks and it makes you feel all those emotions...
But you need to take the time to go through all those emotions. Take the time to grieve. Cry. Miss him. Be alone. But DO NOT expect anything more from him. Even though he is "confused" you have got to prepare yourself right now that it is over...And as much as it hurts to know that, this is a good time to cry about it and grieve the loss. It might take you two weeks, or three. But in time, you WILL start feeling better. So BE miserable NOW, so that you can get it out of the way...
Look I was MISERABLE for a full three weeks. Just miserable. Sleeping alot. Confused. Crying. Desperate. I didn't want to go out...my friends missed me but I NEEDED to be alone...I was beginning to wonder if I would ever feel better...And then a few days ago, I woke up and strangely enough I felt ok. And I felt a little more confident, and I felt like I was getting back to my old self again. And ironically enough today I feel good again...it just happens, that's how it is...and EVENTUALLY, little by little you feel better and better...But unfortunately the first step is to take the time to feel like sh*t...
HOWEVER, you MUST avoid him at all costs. Don't call him, don't try to find out what he is up to (that's just torturing yourself and you don't want to be hurt any more than you need to be), don't go to the spots you might run into him. Just erase him from existence for the time being and avoid him at all costs. You are not strong enough yet to know what he is up to or let him see you like this...NO WAY...
I went through exactly everything you have just described and today I feel kind of good. See? It just takes time but you need to take the time to feel like utter sh*t, (however long that takes), before you can start feeling better...
Here's some songs I listened to that helped. Download Taio Cruz "moving on." Good song for moving on. And Taio Cruz, "I can be." Its inspirational for your self esteem...And Nelly Furtado "One trick Pony", this song will make you feel empowered...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): But if you can't do any of this, then do nothing at all. Eat chocolates, listen to sad music, watch movies that will make you cry. Write to dear cupid everyday and tell us your problems. Wallow in your (justified) sadness, until your mood changes and the sun comes out.
Do whatever you need to, just to survive. You need to be very selfish and take care of your own needs at the moment, in any way that helps you get over this sad period in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Force yourself to do what you know is good for you. Force yourself to eat well, force yourself to go out, force yourself to smile. If you can't make it (happiness) then fake it. Force yourself to get up in the morning, force yourself to look good.
You know and I know this will all pass. In the meantime force yourself to put one foot in front of another, keep walking even if you have to drag yourself all the way.
Your doing well, time will do all the rest. Keep healthy and our blessings and good wishes will protect you until you can look after and protect yourself.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (12 June 2008):
Keep doing what you are doing - force yourself to do those good things like eating and talking to people.
You will come through this and you are obvoiusly mentally quite strong because you can spot the temptations and pit falls and are avoiding them.
You are doing well. Smile.
Good Luck!! xx
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