A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for the last year and recently we had the where is this going chat. He said he feels he wont be ready for a serious relationship for some time, I asked why this was and he said because he doesnt want to hurt his ex. They were together from a very young age and were eachothers first love, they only split as they had grown apart but remained friends and still speak regularly. They split just before I started seeing him a year ago. I asked if he still loved her and he said he will always love her but that he was no longer in love with her. He said he doesnt regret splitting with her as it was for the right reasons but he would never rule out a reconcilliation between them. Its seems to me hes not over her but as I also know her, I believe she is over him. Am I wasting my time with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): He does seem pretty wrapped up in her and if he's not wanting to take it further with you then why hang around and be treated as less than the best?
There's someone out there who will make you their number one.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 He does not want to hurt his EX ?... Hurting her by what ?, by getting on with his life ? and having other relationships ?
He is SO not over her. She might have moved on and be completely not over him and not wanting him back ever - but he obviously does not feel the same, in fact , more or less, with his talk of not excluding reconciliation... he is basically saying that the reason why they are not together is because SHE won't have him, but he still hopes she might change her mind.
It sounds like you are a bit of a rebound.
What to do, it's up to you- and your personality. Time and patience are probably on your side, because very few people stay indefinitely in love with someone who refuses them, the normal ones , at some point, will let it go and open their heart to new people.
Then again, why wasting time and emotions over someone who is not receptive enough, when any moment you could meet someone who is psychologically baggage-free, and ready to love you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): If you are looking for a serious relationship with him then yes, you are wasting your time because he has said he doesn't want one. Although after a year together, I for one, would regard an exclusive, committed relationship as pretty serious! In a nutshell, he has said he still loves her and doesnt want to move on and become serious with anyone else because he is holding out in hope he can be with her again. That is heavy stuff to say to a `current` girlfriend! And it means he is not over her at all. From what you have said about her it sounds as if their parting was more her idea than his. And he is still licking his wounds and pretending the split was something he wanted too, when it very probably was the last thing he wanted. You could well be the rebound girlfriend. It is difficult to predict if or when he will fully recover from their break up and want to move on. But if you want a serious relationship with him, then the best thing to do is to ask him one more time, what the chances are of him fully committing to you. If he refuses then you are most definitely wasting your time with him.
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