A
female
age
41-50,
*adie d
writes:My baby daddy just moved away and he took our son for the summer. All along I thought he was staying with his sister but until recently I found out he was staying with this woman. Everytime I tried to call his sister to talk to my son. Her reply would be oh he just stepped out and I will have him call you. Fifteen minutes will pass and he would call. I guess they couldn't keep on lying so he told me to give him a call on his cell leave a message and he will call me back. Half of the time he never did. So I was able to get a phone contact for this lady he is staying with. When I called I was respectful in asking for his father. She she said he wasn't there. I then asked to speak to my son. She then told me he was sleeping. I asked her what his activities were that day. I went on telling her how frustrated I was with his dad because I didn't hear from them all day. All I ask of him is to have my son check in with me twice a day. (morning and at night). He called twenty minutes later furious telling me I have no right calling the house. He said he gave me the cell number and I should be satisfied with that. He then said that the women doesn't want me to call the house anymore. It's bad enough that you lied to me about your living arrangements. But you are leaving our son with a woman I don't even know.I feel I have the right to call the home my son is staying at as long as I am respectful in doing it. If she is the woman in my baby fathers life that means she will be a major part in my sons life. I will want to talk to her and get to know her. I will want her and I to become friends. But if she doesn't want me to call the house. I wonder what kind of woman she is? She should be mature enough to understand that I am his mother I do have a right to call the home he is staying at. But I must add this is what my baby daddy was telling me she said. When I spoke with her she showed me no attidute she was respectful. My baby daddy has a tendencey of lying. I'm I wrong in feeling this way? Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): It sounds to me like your being a concerned mom. However, I would never let "dad" keep the child again. I think you're perfectly within reason and your rights. Perhaps you should talk to an attorney and see about supervised visits after this. Hope all works out well for you and your son
A
female
reader, sadie d +, writes (14 August 2009):
sadie d is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of you for your advice. It was very helpful. I will let you know how this plays out.. Thanks again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): The reason that she's disrespectful to you is that he's painted a picture of you as a bad person. If he'd told her that you and he had simply grown apart and that you were a wonderful person that he's simply stopped loving she'd probably feel fine about you - if he said that you were horible, mean and a bad mother she'd be hostile toward you.But NO, either way she has no "right" to be mean, and she should be civil.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2009):
 Honestly I would contact a lawyer and see what rights you have legally.
I don't CARE how old your son is - you as his MOM should be able to talk to him (a set time or when you want to - within reason) I'm guessing he isn't old enough to call you himself, so yeah you should be able to call and see how things are going.
Next time your baby daddy wants time with him I suggest you have SET up rules as far as contact. Preferable in writing.
Secondly, I think you two also need to straighten out WHERE and WHO he stay with. YOU have a right to know who is around your child.
Sorry if I sound like a hard ass towards the baby daddy but this is not right.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (13 August 2009):
It sounds like either your ex or his new partner are insecure and worried about your reaction to their relationship. If I had to guess I would say it was more likely to be your ex, but it's impossible to be sure.
From what you have said though it sounds like you have a very sensible attitude to it, and in time that will win through as they realise you are ok with the situation and just want to be treated with respect.
He was in the wrong to say he was staying with his sister. You have an absolute right to know where your son is!
I also feel you have an absolute right to have a telephone number where you can contact your son and his father. However, his fathers cell phone is just that - as long as he is going to answer it or on those occasions when he can't at least return your call in a timely manner.
It is always difficult getting the balance right in these situations, and his new partner might well feel like she is walking on egg shells and will need to adjust to it as well.
It sounds like you need to have a discussion about your expectations of each other. You need to express exactly what you want - to be in contact with your son a couple of times a day - and he will have boundaries as well (to be able to pursue his relationship without "interference").
It is a time of change for all three of you (actually four - your son as well!) and it hasn't got off to a great start thanks to your ex's decision to lie about their where abouts. But approach it with a calm, open minded but firm manner and in time it will improve - and there is no reason as you and his new partner learn to trust each other that a friendship might not even develop.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): you are entitled to know where you kid is and with whom. don't be so quick to say that the Ow did not give you attitude. it is what she said to your ex that matters. she is conniving. she expects him to put you in your place. and he did. do not let this deter you. find out who she is, what she is like. you do not want your son in a unhealthy environment. as a mother your rights should be enforced. you did nothing wrong.
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