A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before we met, my husband used to work for this couple who owned their own business. He worked for them for about seven years. He was good friends with them both, but especially the wife. When we started dating, whenever they threw their annual Christmas party, she would seem a bit standoffish, but would laugh and joke with my husband. At first I didn't think much of it, but once we got engaged, she didn't even congratulate us. I started to feel uncomfortable about going to their house because of her behavior. My husband didn't believe that she was doing anything wrong( there would be lots of people around and it was hard for him to detect what she was doing)It got so the other guests would start to behave distantly with me, too, even though I had done nothing but be polite. Finally, one Christmas I begged him to watch closely how she was treating me. I said Merry Christmas when we arrived, and she rolled her eyes. I made a comment, complimenting her on the decor and she pretended not to hear me. Even worse, she approached us both and proceeded to talk only to my husband, ignoring me, except for throwing annoyed little looks at me, as if I were the intruder or something. He was flabbergasted, and couldn't understand why she was behaving this way, but felt awkward confronting her about it, since they were his employers. This had gone on for about three years, and he was deeply bewildered and hurt about her behavior. I was sick of her, and wished never to see her again. Shortly after that last party, we moved out of state. My husband doesn't mind me seeing his FB stuff, and I noticed that she was still friends with him on FB, so I unfriended her. Now I feel guilty because he thinks she unfriended him. Yet, I don't think she deserves to be his friend after treating me so awfully when we were her guests. And to this day, I don't understand why she behaved the way she did. Any input is appreciated.
View related questions:
christmas, engaged, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI posted an update late last night, but don't see it, so I will re-post it. Last night I 'fessed up to my husband, and he actually found it funny. It is such a relief not to keep this secret anymore, dreading his reaction. I really appreciated the feedback; it helped me to do what was right.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 June 2019):
 Good for you, OP~
Honesty is healthy in a marriage. And it's also good that you now know how little SHE means/meant to him.
Time let her "go" in your head-space too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to let those of you who responded, that I did confess and my husband actually laughed. That is how little she meant to him. I am so glad and relieved that I was honest, because I didn't like keeping it a secret.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2019): OP, it's obvious this woman had a thing for your husband. It's clear as day. She was jealous that you had him, not her. It's possible she had a brief daliance with your husband or affair. Very possible judging her behaviour. Yes tell your husband and apologize. He will have to get over it. Then see how he reacts. His reaction should speak volumes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): I think you should have asked him outright to unfriend her, and he should have willingly agreed. Although easier said than done when a stubborn man is getting his ego stroked by a woman who seems to adore him.
I think that is the unstated elephant in the room- she had a crush on your hubby and blatantly and rudely snubbed you in social settings. I mean, she needed to get a handle on her feelings and acted with respect and kindness toward his significant other. What she did was completely inappropriate and cruel, and shows how low she stoops.
I don't blame you for unfriending her on his account, but I think you need to come clean to him because he should know the truth. Then explain that he needs to be supportive of you first and foremost, and YES this involves cutting off people who are extremely rude to his wife. Her behaviour really is inexcusable-rolling her eyes, etc. Hopefully he will see things from YOUR position. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? Would he be okay with you being buddies with a man who treats HIM like garbage?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): You're now his wife, and you have full-access to his Facebook account. He is aware of her behavior, and in spite of your every effort to be pleasant to her; she made it clear she only likes your husband. Well, once you're married; the boundary-lines are set. You were sufficiently cordial, and put-up with her crap for three years; even when you didn't have to.
I think you should consult with your husband before you make any changes to his social media accounts. Although they now live out-of-state; they are still his contacts, and part of his network. You should have told your husband before you unfriended her; but now you have to tell him, so as not to appear petty and spiteful. Confess, and see what his reaction will be. Your feelings got the better of you.
If he seems very upset and gets really angry; I would suspect something must have been going on between those two. If he's just upset that you didn't consult with him first; then you owe him an apology.
If he decides to put her back in his contacts; it's up to him. She's really no longer any threat to you. If you trust your husband, she never was. I think you should approach him about it, before he discovers it for himself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I don't feel comfortable telling him what I did, considering that I have left it this long, but it bugs me because I know that he has been doubly hurt - both by the fact that she was his friend, and by the fact that she proceeded to treat his wife badly. He was very lonely when he met me, and if she were really his friend she would have been glad for him, not go out of her way to antagonize his wife! I will have to think about this a bit more, because I don't want to be in a position of lying to my husband, whom I love very much. I can't help but think that when she got unfriended, she might have realized how much she had screwed up the friendship by her behavior.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): Dont feel bad, trust your instincts. Men get over things faster than us so it’s ok lol. You’re husband don’t need to be friends with negative Nancy lol
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): Playground bully, no doubt needs someone to put down to make herself feel she is better, you did nothing wrong.
I'm not so sure I would tell him if he is going to leave it be and not ask her though I suppose there is a chance she may message and ask him so I guess honesty is the answer and explain why.
As for her wonder why no more, she is just a nasty piece and no doubt someone else will be on the revieving end, admit what you did then leave her where she belongs, in the past
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 June 2019):
 Personally I think your hubby should have done it himself anyway given the circumstance however, whats done is done. Totally agree with Honeypie, tell him you did and why. It doesn't matter what her reasons were for treating you so poorly, she did and friendship from your husband is not deserved simply out of respect for you being his wife. What a cow of a woman!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 June 2019):
You should tell your husband what you did and why.
As for why she was a cow towards you? Who knows, but I wouldn't lose any more sleep over that. You two live far enough away that you don't have to see or interact with her again ever.
YOU DO, however, HAVE to be honest in your marriage.
...............................
|
