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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in my mid twenties. I have been on about 6 dates with someone and things seemed to be going really..a good pace, good momentum..we text, talk..I didn't feel that anxiety too much wondering if he is going to keep contacting me. The past 2 and a half weeks have been extremely busy for him. I understood there really wasn't a way to see each other last week due to some stressful stuff he had to do for work (i don't want to go into details but i 100% wouldn't have expected to see him). This week he was offered to be a part of a wonderful opportunity which unfortunately was time consuming as well. We basically have been texting this week here and there but sometimes it would take him hours to respond due to what he was doing i'm assuming. We wouldn't really be in contact at night. Tuesday night I think he could sense I was wondering what was going on..we texted back and forth and he said he is back thursday so maybe friday or saturday you can stay over (we dont live very close so it just makes things a little easier and i don't mind..i like the connection of sleeping with someone(no sex involved yet) Wednesday he texted me a few pictures..and i texted back and also even mentioned how maybe friday we can do something in my area by me(and i go home that night) and saturday I can stay by you. He mentioned how he would love to but goes back to work on sat and i knew his schedule and said i thought you were off til next week. He responded saying yea he confused the dates..he just checked etc No real definite plans or response to it though. I didn't want to be smothering and just changed the subject. My last text to him was wednesday at around 8:30..no response..we didnt contact each other yesterday and now today is Friday and didn't hear anything either way about what was going on. I started to feel a little upset..i know it's really early on but still--i felt that shift in contact and never felt like I had to follow rules with him before. I went online and saw he was online as well posting pictures. I decided to confront him and IM him nicely (I felt like we had been pretty honest early on; i followed my feelings which isn't always good i know) I was still very nice about things but honest as well. I asked do u think you still want to do something tomorrow? and he wrote he isnt sure yet b/c he still has to pick up his bike that's in the area where he was at..2 hours away but coming home it should pass me so I didnt understand. And then he mentioned he has a ton of laundry to do (im guessing for work) I basically flat out said it seems like we will never see each other..should I take a hint? lol (if he wanted to break it off i guess i was giving him clear opportunity to just say maybe it's for the best to stop) He wrote he's just been nonstop since basically the first week of july between this and this. I wrote I know I have been understanding lol he wrote i definitely have..he also mentioned we don't exactly live too close either and I don't drive. I asked if it bothered him that much and he said no, just isn't around the block that's all I basically said it just seems like this will fade out if we don't see each other at some point. And i added how i didn't want this to fade out so soon. He asked so soon? lol and he said he understands and agrees and said it's sad but this is what his life can be like..it doesn't happen often but sometimes he is only home a few days out of the month. He then mentioned how maybe he will pick me up on the way back and drop me off the next morning before work if it's ok with me. I said it is but just let me know and he said he will as soon as he knows something etc It probably went against every book and article about asking what was up..but i just felt like we were pretty honest on our dates, i met family, some of his friends. I just didn't want to sit and wonder. Chances are maybe he still won't even see me..he was able to call tonight obviously and didn't bother. Maybe at this point..just give him space and see if he comes around or not... I sort of feel a little better that i tried clearing the air...Did i make a huge mistake being honest like that? Will it scare him off?
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (28 July 2012):
You did the right thing by being honest. So keep doing that. There are no true rules to this thing, just a few guidelines. One of them is: do what you feel is right. You gave him a simple opportunity to end it. He was rather vague in response, which either means he's been extremely busy like he said or because he's a coward. Personally, I'd stop concentrating on him and let him take the initiative. If he doesn't, you know exactly what kind of man he is: one not worth your attention.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Well, it seems like this guy is just a play it by the ear kind of person. He is either really busy with work and other things, and really doesn't have time to start a relationship or even try. Also it could be he is already seeing someone and just hasn't had to balls to tell you, or maybe he just wants his cake and eat it too. Just be relaxed like him obviously. You don't want to be the chick that's jocking him and he will know he's got you in check and be any way he wants or tell you anything and you'll believe it. It's good that you tried to be up front, however many guys aren't that way or mature enough to say it like it is. He knows your number and I'm sure he knows how to use a phone so don't sit around waiting. Obviously he likes something about you, and I'm pretty sure other guys have or will notice the same thing and make the effort to persue you and not leave you hanging or at their becken call.
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