A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years and am now in a long-distance relationship with a guy who I love very dearly. In fact, it was falling for him which made me realise that my previous relationship wasn't working.I feel as if I have given my all to this guy - my virginity, first of all; as well as other sacrifices. I support him emotionally, financially (to an extent). I always stop whatever I am doing to be there for him when he needs me. On the other hand, I feel a bit let down by him at times. He flies down to Sydney to see me every now and again but always makes a point of what a financial burden it is for him (yet he won't get a job!!!). He rarely calls me and when he is online he spends more time playing games than chatting to me. I ask him about this and he says that he hates the phone and internet and I shouldn't take things personally. Something which also worries me is that he says he would never even consider moving to Sydney for me, for anyone because his friends are where he lives. This is despite the fact that I have a well-paying job here and the fact that we would be more financially secure. He just refuses to consider it all together yet he expects me to pack up my whole life, leave behind my family (which is the hardest thing for me to ever do) and my job.My mum also has a bad feeling about him and thinks he is hiding something. How should I approach this situation? Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update:
This guy is becoming more and more difficult. I am coming to see him in a few weeks, and I will also be in town a few weeks later (for 3 days)for a wedding. The thing is, I am coming with family, yet rather than spend time with my family, showing them around and being with the friends who are getting married, he is insisting that I spend all of my time with him. He just does not understand that the purpose of the trip is to attend a wedding and I will be in the company of others and it will be difficult for me to see him at all in the 3 days I am in town. I explain this to him and he just starts throwing insults at me.
My family is also very strict and it is difficult for them to accept me being in a LDR at all, and travelling away from home to be with a man who they consider to be a "loser." Just because it takes a lot of convincing my family, to go and see him at all, he takes that as an excuse to tell me how my family are ideots and how I behave like a child. According to him, I make no effort at all for him, and do not see him enough. I try as hard as I can but he has no idea how demanding my job is, nor does he care. His response: Either he will dump me for not making time for him or quit my job because I don't "need" to work. I have told him that I feel pressured to choose between him and them but he simply ignores this and keeps going about his ways.
Since coming out of an abusive 6 year relationship I have also been very depressed, have been an emotional eater and gained a lot of weight. Whenever he is mad at me he tells me to "go eat" and he tells me that I get what I deserve. He accuses me of being a liar and often calls me names when he is angry, without even apologising. He is also still sharing all of our problems with friends. And, he insists that I meet his parents next time I see him, despite me being uncomfortable with this at such an early stage in the relationship.
I have voiced all of these issues with no success. Unless I give in to his demands, the fighting always continues. Yet he claims to love me...How can I deal with this impossible man? How can I make him understand and appreciate me?
Please help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): you love him dont you? then stay with him. What if you end things and find someone who wont love you at all? who wont care for you and will just leave you. This guy obvioouisly loves you thats why he is with you, give him time to sort him self out and im sure things will come around for the better. patience my friend. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, you dont want to start all over again do u?
goodluck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 November 2009):
It sounds to me like he's getting a bit of a free ride here, and even your mother can see it. He's using your money because he claims he hasn't got a job, he spends his time playing games rather than talking to you, he won't move to Sydney for you, he rarely calls you. Your list doesn't end. These are serious red flags. Hate to ask this, but how do you know he doesnt' have a family there or something and the reason he can't spend money is it goes on them? Something is wrong. You seem like you jumped from one bad relationship to another, and you deserve so much more than this treatment. I would really suggest ending it with him, spending time focusing on your own life, then looking for a good man when you're happy and comfortable for yourself. I think you're going to get really hurt if you continue with this guy.
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