A
female
age
22-25,
*uttercup315
writes:I am 25 and my boyfriend is 18, we've been together for almost 18 months, and I was his first and only sexual partner. It's a very long distance relationship, and we've had our share of problems but we managed to work through them. He had been feeling unhappy with me (mostly due to my depression which I am now getting help for), and despite telling me he loves me and wants a future together, meaning me migrating to his country, he has recently told me he has an increasing desire to sleep with other girls. I'd mentioned my fear of this happening in the past, and had been reassured it wouldn't become an issue. I felt that starting a serious relationship without previous experience would lead him to want to try things with other people. I've told him that because of my current mental state that I couldn't cope with him being with others, and he has made me feel awful for being jealous at the thought of this happening. My boyfriend thinks I should just visit him as planned and hope that things work out.My question is, should I visit him and hope that these feelings fade when we are together in person and are able to be sexual with one another? Or should I save myself the heartache of him still feeling desire for others and end the relationship? I don't want to make the mistake of moving to a country I don't know for someone who will end up breaking my heart.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  + ♥, writes (29 February 2012):
 six weeks is a very long visit...
heck 2 weeks is a long time.
he's very young to be so sure to be tied down.. in this day and age especially.
and with an LDR it's worse.
I would not move. I would guard your heart carefully as well...
at least he's being honest and not cheating behind your back which is so darn easy to do in an LDR....
A
female
reader, iAmHereToHelpYou + ♥, writes (29 February 2012):
 I wouldn't stay for so long IF you go. Did you pay for his trips to you? If not, you shouldn't be left in a position where you owe him money if you break up.
Quite frankly, I think this is too much to handle at his age. His intentions might be good, but following them through is something else entirely.
What happens when you're 30 and maybe want to start a family but he's 23 and still enjoying few responsibilities? What about if you wait for him until you're 35 and feel you're “baby clock” is ticking but at 28 he's still not ready for it? Are you going to wait longer? Move on and hope you meet someone else to have children with? Just the bigger picture here.
What do YOU want and can you get it whilst being with him?
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A
female
reader, Buttercup315 +, writes (29 February 2012):
Buttercup315 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response. We've had some very serious talks since I posted my question, and I believe him when he says he hasn't cheated and wouldn't cheat (when the issue originally arose, he said he was asking permission because he would feel too guilty to do it behind my back). I gave him a choice to make: it's either me, or any other woman out there, he can't have both at the same time because that wouldn't be fair on me. He's said it's a passing phase that is dying out as quickly as it started, and that he wants to be happy with me etc., and at them moment I believe him. I just can't shake the feeling there's more to it, since his mind was changed so quickly, and he's been reluctant to discuss it. I worry he's planning on cheating regardless, and has just told me this to stop me asking more questions.Something I didn't mention in my original question, is that he wants me to visit him for 6 weeks starting from the end of April (he would be paying). I'm torn as to what I should do; I've never been to his country before (he's always visited me) and would love to see it and have the chance to be with him; I think that if he's truly put wanting others behind him and has accepted my "look but don't touch" policy, this trip could be a great opportunity for us to reform bonds. But I'm worried that if I go it will deepen my attachment to him and make it more difficult if the issue with other girls comes up again.Any insight would be greatly appreciated, Buttercup315
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A
female
reader, iAmHereToHelpYou + ♥, writes (25 February 2012):
He's young and clearly you two want different things.
I'm not saying it CAN'T work out, I'm just saying it SEEMS unlikely.
At 25, you are a fair bit more mature than he is at JUST 18. He's bound to want other relationships before settling down, but you moving to his country would leave you in quite a vulnerable position unless you settle down which doesn't seem practical for this relationship right now.
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