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female
,
anonymous
writes: I need some advice.I have had issues in getting over my ex and I have decided that the reason is because I have told no one what happened. I still feel anger and hurt over the way that he treated me and find myself unable to even look at him because he disgusts me so much. We have a lot of mutual friends and I have a lot of friends from work and school and all sorts of places but I have not been brave enough to tell anyone the whole story. Only my ex and I know the whole thing.He did some pretty rotten things - lied to me, was seeing his ex behind my back, was on internet dating and sex sites (often in the middle of the night, whilst I was sleeping a few feet away from him), admitted after we broke up that he should have broken up with me months before but the sex was too good, would disappear in the middle of the night and not tell me where he was going etc etc) but no one knows this.I have been far too humiliated to admit all this stuff to even my best friend. I feel so ashamed and so belittled by his actions that telling someone is so scary for me.I need to tell someone but can't bring myself to do it, I know that will help me take a weight off my shoulders but I'm scared that it will be too humiliating or our mutual friends will think I'm just being nasty and petty telling this after we have been broken up for so long. I'm so confused - I don't know what to do. It hurts me that no one else knows how he hurt me but its my own fault because I'm too scared to tell anyone....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): You have done the hardest thing by finally admiting to others and yourself what has happened. he is the one with a problem NOT YOU. I would talk things over with your best friend. She is your friend and will understand. You sound like a sensitive and articulate woman and I am sure that it will not be long before someone will come along who appreciates that and loves you for being you.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 You told this website and now people know you should be able to move on and deal with it. You have been badly hurt and your trust in the opposite sex crushed, but in time you will find out that not everybody is quite so two faced and devious.
Remember all the people who do love and respect you, your family and friends, and let them help you thru this dark time. Soon you will be down to thinking about him once a day, then once a week then never and you will have moved on.
IO wish you well.xx
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A
female
reader, ladybaby +, writes (6 March 2006):
Talk to your best friend and tell her how you feel. That's what she's there for, and I'm sure she's just waiting for you to open up to her, and not going to push you. IF you are worried about coming across as a nasty cow (which I can assure you, you're not!) Ask her to keep it to herself.
If not your friend, go to your doctor and just have a little rant. Explain to him/her that you feel you just need to discuss it - it may just help!
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (6 March 2006):
 You have told me, that is a start.
I think you should tell someone, one of your closes friends as you need support over this, it is bad what he did and a shock so you have to talk things through to make sense of them and to get some comfort from someone who knows and loves you.
Take heart, all this will pass and you will be able to move on and trust someone again but this will take time and the ammount of time will depend on how well you get throug the next few weeks.
Get him out of your life, your heart and find a wonderful bloke who will not treat you as badly as this creature did.
Please find a friend to talk to, just find one that you trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): You need to talk it out with someone. You're right that telling this to you and your ex's mutual friends may come off as nasty, so the most honourable thing is to tell people who don't have much contact with him. Perhaps your parents or your best friend would be a good place to start. They can give you the reassurance that you need to stop feeling so used up and miserable. And that's really what this is all about - when you feel this low it's so hard to give yourself the compassion and sympathy that you need so badly. You need someone with an outside perspective, anyone, to show you some sympathy to break out of the loop. If you don't get a little positive feedback, you're liable to just keep beating yourself up over and over again. Soon after, you'll develop the strength to deal with it on your own. It's scary, but after you tell 1 person, it'll get easier. This web-board was probably a good first step.
It's horrible the way he treated you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): You really do need to talk to someone about it. If your scared that your friend's won't believe you, talk to you family members. It helps a lot.
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