A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm with this Guy for 3 years. In this 1 year he never misses an opportunity to tell me I don't measure up to him, that he is with me cause I begged him not to leave me. Always finds something or other to humiliate me. He should be always in control of our relationship, never once he does what I want, even if we want to go for a trip, I have to wait for him to pick a date and I have to drop my plans and if I say I can't drop my plans he'll drop the trip and make there wont be any trips or outings with me for a very long time. I'm not supposed to ask him anything, even if I do he will never do it and if i ask twice for something I want its called nagging.I don't want to take this anymore, I'm tired of being doormat, a statue with no feelings.I'm scared that I might beg him to take me back. Pls help me how to stay away from him. PS - He wont even care if I break up with him, he will and can easily replace me (his words) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 April 2013):
If he didn't care about you he would have broken up with you, it has nothing to do with your begging. Don't believe anything a manipulative abuser says.
The solution is simple. Break up with him, don't listen to anything he says about it, then block her m on your phone/email/Facebook/etc.
Get rid of anything that reminds you of him, such as pictures, letters, texts, etc. Basically quit cold turkey.
Don't get involved with anyone for awhile a d spend a lot of time with friends and family.
Good luck, you can do it.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Wow... after everything you've stated in your post and yet you've invested 3 years of arguably the best years of your life with him -- I have to ask what does this say about you?
Simply put, he treats you this way because you allow yourself to be treated this way. And he knows he can get away with it. Normally a good guy wouldn't take advantage of you in this regard, but clearly your boyfriend wants to be in charge and knows he can run the show at your expense.
At the core of the problem is your self-esteem. I sense on some levels that you feel you don't deserve a good man -- one that treats you well, where disagreements are handled in a way that are mutually satisfying, where each other is respected and cherished... so you cling on to something -- anything so you have someone in your life. Misery, in your mind, is better than being alone.
I know the pain of being alone -- I've been there. But the only person you cheat when you stick around in a relationship that is broken is yourself. Eventually he will move on and you'll be older, possibly with a kid of his, and your options will be limited. You'll hate yourself for not sticking up for yourself and you'll wind up regretting it the rest of your life.
You obviously have a lot to offer in a relationship (loyalty and dedication would be at the top of the list) and the sooner you realize that all is not lost, you'll be able to find someone who will treat you like gold. Right now, you can't... because you are with someone and you think that this is as good as it gets. Trust me -- you CAN and WILL do better. You just have to take that first step and believe in yourself.
Here are somethings that you should do:
1) See a therapist. I honestly think having someone to talk to will help you tremendously. Your self-esteem has taken a beating and a 3rd party can help restore it.
2) Write a letter to yourself. Make a note of all your good qualities and what you have to offer the world. Also make a list of what you want out of a man and out of life. Now make a list of all the things that your boyfriend provides. Compare those lists.
3) You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Remember that.
I hope you do take action.
If you read the replies to your question and do absolutely nothing, your situation will not change. This could be a pivotal moment in your life on whether the next years are happy or sad; whether five years from now you look back at this and say "I should've done this..."
Eddie
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