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I don't understand the need for some people to hurt others during sex

Tagged as: Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2009)
A female Australia age 41-50, *ot My Name writes:

More so a question for the guys, ... but comments from females welcome too.

After some comments heard today, I am rather curious as to the overall psychology going on behind this seemingly wide spread phenomena that causes SOME guys to actually take 'pride' in causing a girl to bleed during sex? (or one guy causing another I suppose too)

Recieving someone's virginity male or female is one thing (and feel free to comment on that too if U like), but a lot of guys really seem to have a thing about actually causing bleeding, ...and so I have come to realize - even if it is on a non virgin.

So applying to any or all of those points ...

....Is this some sort of ego tripping man shit? If so, what does it do for ya? what are you feeling/ thinking?

...Is it like getting a trophy or winning a prize?

... Does it have some sort of symbolic sentiment behind it that may be a little 'deeper'?

...Maybe it is 'penis size pride'?

Does it bother you the person is actually (albeit most likely very slightly)injured?

Does your reflection upon it depend on who you are doing it with?, ... or is it just all about doing it and who cares who too, long as jobs done so to speak?

Does anal viginity hold the same 'esteem' as vaginal for those who go both places?

What is going on in ya heads out there?

:-)

View related questions: vagina

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009):

I am one who takes punishment from my boyfriend as he has whipped with his belt, pulled my hair and stuck tacks and needles in my bum as we were having sex. It hurts like hell but I know he loves me so I'll take the punishment.

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A male reader, Garm United States +, writes (19 December 2009):

I will admit that a bit of pain can be fun, but only if it is wanted by my partner--otherwise it would turn me off.

It's not misgynistic, and it's not a result of porn (despite previous posters opinions. It's something more, something carnal. haven't you seen two animals mating? One biting the other, both growling? It's a basic animal desire: control. It manifests in parenting, friendships, business I(for humans), and of course in reltionships. Sometimes this manifestation comes in the form of pain. Pain is a strong sensation. It heightens other physical sensations.

And, like I said before, it's consentual; no more my idea than hers--normally hers.

(How's that for "anonymous," SatinDesire.)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

My ex had a thing for making me bleed. He was my first and of course he made me bleed the first time. He never cared if he hurt me, he always had an excuse for why he didn't stop or why he was so violent. I was 17 and was the shy girl who didn't have many friends and he was the 25 year old who thought he could brain wash me. Just leaving him for two days made me see him for who he truly was. Too bad I wasted two years of my life to that....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 December 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI think any man wishing to make his sex partner bleed is a creep. Any women who "lets" her man do that to her is in need of help. I think some of this stem from generations of really really bad porn.

Some people like the DOM/SUB - some like SM - I don't know why a certain person have a certain sexual preference.

As for virginity (normal and anal) I think it is just really archaic. Like the fact that a wedding ring was a symbol that the man "owned" his wife - some men think by "taking" the virginity they "own" a piece of the woman. Archaic.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (18 December 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntI blame porn...oh and masterbaition (sic)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

as a male I wouldn't dream of hurting my partener.in fact I would give my life to her if she asks.

I think any male who enjoys inflicting pain on his partner must need his head tested. also I don't think there are many who would do so. I don't think your assumption is right.you must have met a very rare, sick man.

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A male reader, Garm United States +, writes (18 December 2009):

Some people just like it rough, male and female. I don't know about the bleeding thing, specifically, but I can tell you that that's tame compared to some sexual desires.

It has nothing to do with "ego tripping" per se, but it often does have to do with dominance and submissiveness, and often the level of trust a couple must have in one another must be very VERY high in order to embark on such a journey. And, why? It's just fun for BOTH, of course.

Some women just want to be dominated. Some women ask their men to do things so seemingly "wrong" to them that their dominating male partners may have been too embarassed to ask, or civil to think about.

Think about that...

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