A
male
age
41-50,
*inkydude
writes:Hello all My situation is a bit complicated. I live in Spain and work in a Symphony Orchestra here. I met a girl, whom I care for very deeply.On many levels, I believe she has to be my soulmate. I love her very much. The problem is, I don't like this country and miss home. I'm from California, and I want to move back there. Even though I don't have a job or anything other than my family and my brother and 2 nieces. The people that love me the most in all the world. At the same time the though of leaving the woman I love is very difficult. The other aspect is the job thing. I wouldn't have a job, and as y'all know, the U.S. is having some financial issues. My girlfriend doesn't want to leave her country, not to mention her job, which is really hard won. I don't know what to do. I stuck between losing my girl and job, orstaying in a country I don't like in a job that no longer satisfies me- thousands of miles from the people that matter to me.Also- my girlfriend and I haven't taken it to the next level (moving in together) as the idea of me leaving makes it difficult to cope with. Is it fair to continue with her? She herself stated we should be together as long as we can, and I'm inclined to agree. Paradoxically I'd like a more serious situation with her. I'm not sure which is stronger, my desire to leave or my love for her. Please help, need clarity.....
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female
reader, confusedlady182 +, writes (15 January 2010):
Is there a way which you could secure the situation there better so you were more able to leave more often. Like go home for one month a year. Not do as much the rest of the time because you are saving to go back. Offer your family to visit.
I'm not sure what the best thing to do is, as both of you would be unhappy with either situation. Could you go home one time to discuss it with your family and have some thinking time apart from her to see if that's really what you want.
OR you could really go for it with her, move in together, look for a new job where you are, find ways of bringing home into your life there and then if it doesn't work you will know you gave it your best shot.
Sorry I couldn't say do this or do that, but it is a choice for you
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 January 2010):
You have to do what is in your heart. You are faced with losing something you love. Your country, or your girlfriend. The thing is, you haven't moved in together, which would make splitting up much easier. The other problem is if you stay here with her, and it goes wrong, you'll hate her and resent her for it. At least if you leave her now, move to the states and find someone there, you'll be happier. Obviously I can't make the decision, but I would suggest that if you live here and are really unhappy, you'd be better going back to the states. It would also be unfair on your girlfriend if you stayed here, became unhappy and moved at a later date. You both still have time to start again now, rather than later.
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