A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Over the last few weeks I've grown closer to a female friend I've known for a few months. We're the same age and I like to think that we've grown quite close of late which is wonderful, of course.We've shared a couple of affectionate moments before—a drunken cuddle in bed, that sort of thing—and while I've had a bit of a crush on this girl for some time it is becoming more and more apparent that she feels the same way about me, and she's showing me increasing amounts of physical affection.The thing is, while her amorousness is lovely, I'm not sure this is something I want to pursue: without wanting to sound too unkind I feel that there are better fits for both of us. We get on well but I feel that there are better matches and I wouldn't want to enter a relationship if it was doomed from the start, not least because I don't want her or me to get hurt but also because I don't want to jeopardise our friendship, which I cherish.I have said to her that I wouldn't want things to be awkward between us but I'm not sure if she's put off by that. I guess the problem is partly that I don't know what I want, and partly that I don't know how to convey what it is that I want to her!What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): I guess you have to kiss a few frogesses before finding the princess, but there's every chance that the first one you kiss is where you hit the jackpot, and this one could be yours. Unless you absolutely know this is going nowhere, I'd suggest you at least give it a whirl.
The thing is, you say you don't know what you want, so until you DO know what you want you're not going to be able to tell anyone else what that is!
'Checking out' any future partner is a process of experimentation and elimination. You're not likely to know if it's doomed from the start unless you have very obvious diametrically opposing views about everything in life. You'll only discover that after spending some time together and getting to know each other's little foibles and irritations.
Why not discuss your reservations about your feelings towards her and see what she thinks about it? There may well be better fits out there but you could spend a very long time looking for that perfect match. You never know, you may already have found it. Don't judge a book by its cover when looking elsewhere or you could be disappointed!
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