A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend with whom I've been with for just over a year and a half. We got together after a guy I was seeing for about a month dumped me. I was never head over heels for my BF but for some reason I stuck around and wanted to spend more and more time with him. Slowly a relationship developed and now I couldn't imagine my life without him in it.Lately though he's been talking about moving in together and other long term plans. I thought I wanted all those things but have suddenly started to wonder if I really do. I've started to question whether I really want to spend the rest of my life with him. He hasn't proposed and that won't happen for at least a year or two but to me moving in together is one step closer to marriage, and to do it means I'm pretty much saying yes to a future life together.What is bothering me is that I was never crazy about him, I never pursued him, I never got those butterfly feelings. All I felt was being safe, calm, and at ease with him. He treats me very well and is a very positive influence on me. He wants the best for us and I know for a fact that if I was to marry him one day I would have someone who truly loves and respects me.As for me, I do love him and I do appreciate him. It's just that I don't feel like shouting from the rooftops that he's mine. It's an odd feeling.All the guys I dated in the past were the ones I chased, the ones who dumped and rejected me and the ones I was head over heels for. Is something wrong with me? Maybe I want a man who doesn't appreciate me?What I want to know is whether I am being realistic in wanting the head over heels feeling or is what I have the real deal but I just can't see it?There is no way I could let my BF go, I can't imagine my life without him. But on the other hand I wonder if I'm missing out on something else. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You've only said good things about your bf, so it may be that you are just not used to having the most healthy relationship you have had so far. However, I would recommend not moving in together. Not moving in does not mean you are saying no to a future together. If you've done a thorough and honest evaluation of your relationship and decide that you do want a future together, it still makes sense to get engaged, get married, and THEN move in together.
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