A
female
age
41-50,
*hatstartedoutasfriendship
writes:I will try to make this as short as possible. I have fallen in love with my best guy friend and don't know what to do next! We are both are in our 30's and have been friends for almost 10 years. In the beginning we weren't super close, but over the past couple of years we have gotten to be very close. We live in different cities, so usually only see each other, maybe once a month. He doesn't know how I feel and telling him isn't an option right now. Up until recently it would feel like we were getting super close to something happening between us and then he would basically disappear. I wouldn't chase him, but after a few weeks or a month he would start calling/ texting again. The past few months we have been in touch much more. He went with me to a play, because my friend that was going got sick the day of, so he stepped in. He has gone out of his way to do favors for me lately and seems to want me to come visit more. Also, he has started to send me texts before I go to work. He doesn't call/ text daily, but at least 3 times a week. The thing is he HAS NOT FLIRTED OR CAME ON TO ME AT ALL!!! There are no sexual hints in the texts, only friendly banter and jokes. I'm not sure if he's scared of risking our friendship or if he really only considers me a great friend. HOW CAN I TELL THE DIFFERENCE w/o the touching, eye contact, etc. that most teenage/ guys in their early 20's would do. He's opened up to me about certain parts of his childhood, struggles he's gone through and other emotional things.
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male
reader, slackhack +, writes (12 March 2010):
"I'm not sure if he's scared of risking our friendship or if he really only considers me a great friend."
Clearly, this is the problem. You can try to be direct, i.e. french him or say 'lets be a couple'. Or you can try something more discreat like "How come we never dated we are perefect for eachother?" as if it were a new idea.
Someone has to take the risk (i.e. push through the awkwardness) or it will never happen. If he responds positevely kiss him asap, don't leave it said but not acted on. Don't expect it to be eath shattering and if you actualy go out on a 'first date' with him, prepare for the most awkward date of your life, you can't change a 10 yr dynamic over night, you can only add to it.
So in other words, seduce him :)
Cheers.
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