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I don't have it in me to compete for him

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have recently started seeing a guy who i met on an online dating site. Our first date went very well so we met up a couple days later for another date and it went on from there. Last night he came to my place, i made him dinner we had a lovely evening but then i noticed a girl had sent him a message on his phone, he proceeded to tell me had sent 2 women messages that week and that it was just general chit chat, hes not seeing anyone else and we have arranged to go out tomorrow. Im not sure whether to go...my last relationship was full of lies and cheating so ended badly, it took me a year to get myself back out there and it has affected my confidence - i dont have it in me to compete with other women for his attention nor do i have high enough self esteem not to care.

I feel like i should believe he's not seeing anyone else as he has no need to lie to me, after all he was honest about messaging 2 women, but i cant help but feel gutted, i know i shouldn't let my past interfere with my future but when you're made to feel that worthless its hard to come back. Do i tell him how i feel and see whAt happens or do i end it before its even got properly started??

View related questions: confidence, self esteem

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

With internet dating sites the members are usually corresponding with several people all at the same time in the beginning and I suspect this is the case here. As long as he didn't text back which would have been rude as he was in your company, I think you should give him a chance. It is good that he is taking you out tomorrow night as it is not wise to get into the habit of inviting him round to your place for a meal as they can get too cosy with this set up. Ok if he buys you a meal and you want to return the favour but be careful. When you have bad experiences of previous relationships it is difficult not to judge every man the same but use your experience wisely, be careful, but don't let it spoil any future relationships. There are some good men out there. Good luck with the dating.

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A female reader, -BMBTL- United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

-BMBTL- agony auntThis is a good question! I understand you have problems with trust here, but if your gut is saying not to go out with him then don't.

It seems as if he will probably have had people talking to him through the online dating site, however, if he wants to be with you, he shouldn't really still be talking to them.

I see you have low confidence and if you are worried then I'd probably stick with your gut instinct however you could go out with him tomorrow and see what transpires.

How long have you spoken to him for?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

For me it would be best for you to work on with your trust issues first before you jump into a relationship.

He maybe honest, he maybe not.

Time can only tell that.

But love is like a gamble there is really no guarantee you could win unless you make a bet.

The question is are you ready to bet?

Or think about it first.

Work on with your trust issued and when your ready, go for it.

I guess for now get to know him first.

Judge him through his actions n words.

Not just for a week or two.

Long time. Months. If his consistent maybe his worth it. Give it time. A man who is sincere with his intention does not mind to wait.

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