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Why did my boyfriend, who is a well respected member of the local community, have to indulge in this cheap theft-like activity?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 August 2014)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

Hi, I am in a relationship (3 months) with a lovely guy (we are both in our 60s) and he is a well respected member of the local community. One thing really bothers me though; our town hosts a huge annual agricultural show and the entry fee is £25 per person. We were both invited the first day to a meal which was lovely and gained free entry to the show with the invite. The second day my boyfriend went again with his 2 adult children and their partners who are all respectable working people. I was horrified however when he told me that he had got them all in free by using a trick that maybe youngsters would try. He seemed to think that I would be impressed but I wished he hadn't told me. I keep thinking that he had a good day for free with a lovely meal included and should have been happy with that. Also what an example to set his adult children. He has just retired from a very well paid job so its not even as if he or his family could not afford to pay. In every other way our relationship is happy but I am an honest person and this episode bothers me. I want to speak to him about it and ask him to send the £100 to the show secretary even if he does it anonymously but I am scared that if I bring it up our relationship will be over. I would be grateful for any thoughts. Thanks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

I would want to know why I was'nt invited. The moral of the story is 'don't judge a book by the cover, he as well as many so called respectable upright members of the community are not. You have impecable standards which are very good, but EVEN you will have some fault, unique to you that would render you 'wrong'in some one elses eyes. No body is faultless and a perfect member of the community it is all show.

You are both different and you don't like dishonesty he obviously is okay with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

I would bring it up now and not let it fester.

If you leave it, you will get annoyed even further the next time he pulls a stunt like this and before you know it you'll be having a go at him rather than discussing your concerns.

Hash this out now. It won't go away by simply sweeping it under the carpet.

If you fall out over this, that means you would have eventually broken up anyway due to incompatibilities in character.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

If it was not only 3 months in a relationship, I would deffinitely demand him paying these money.

You guys have different values, it's obvious. When I married my husband I was more inclined to act as your boyfriend. There is no justifying of my behavour, but iwas very young, grew up in a poor family, had nothing through my childhood. My husband came from a well off family, high values, and my actions ...lets say ...made him a bit disssapointed with me.

I am not going to describe situations when I acted not very honorable, and my husband actually made me to correct what I did. It only took him a couple of times though that made me rethink lots of things, and I never repeated the same mistakes.

With that said I think you can't keep silence. It will be totally against your beliefs, and you will never stay with this man anyway. Speak up, and you will see who you are dealing with.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 August 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI would just tell him you felt disappointed with his attitude about that subject.

Now, I totally get what you are saying. HE should know better. BUT you are not his mother, nor his moral compass. You can tell him what you think of his actions and WHY you find it "bad", but making him pay up like he is a kid who stole a lolipop is (IMHO) a little too much.

You shouldn't be scared to bring up things that makes you upset or unhappy.

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