A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need some advise. I have been dating a man for alomost 2 years. I have met his family and found that I have absolutely nothing in common with them. His family seem very nice but when ever he asks me to go to a function with them I get a nervous feeling in my stomach. I will give you an example of how I differ from his family. He invited me to a family BBQ. I was not nervous about this function. I thought for sure this would be a comfortable gathering for me. Well, the BBQ consisted of grilled shrimp, steamed broccili, wine and a desert. For the entertainment they played board games and talked about movies. I have to admit. I am not a board games kind of person and I never watch TV so needless to say....I was feeling a bit uncomfortable. My family BBQ's consist of hamburgers, hotdogs, cold salads and beer. For entertainment we play volleyball or some other kind of activity. Every time I have been with his family I get extremely bored. To the point that I get a little frustrated and cant wait to leave!!!I have been invited to another function and I dont want to go. What should I do? I love by boyfriend. I am so afraid to lose him but I dont think I cant live with going to these family affairs. HELP!! Any advise would be appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Well, may be it would be more fun if the grandmother was a brown bag alcoholic, the younger brother a purse stealing crack head and the parents so in denial that they thought the family was normal. That makes for some real fun…
MAN, you have to endure SHRIMP! WTF!
My ex-in laws were simple country folks with relatively low paying jobs. They enjoyed simple pleasures, and lived in a small town. Holidays were slow and very hard to make fun, but I did it - not because I was wild about seeing them - but because my wife was. They were HER parents and she loved them. Our marriage ended for other reasons. Conversations were hard, but in time I learned what topics to avoid (religion, politics, science, books, travel) and which ones worked (cars, guns, immigration control – LOL!)- Ok, may be I’m exaggerating there…
I'd suggest talking it over with your BF and strategizing some ways to make the time more fun. Take a game you like, there are board games of all sorts... take food to supplement theirs... take a book (last resort!)... or take a nap... Movies can be great too. Not everyone’s family is into active sports (you’re very lucky!), but you should be able to enjoy a few hours a month with them. If it’s EVERY SUNDAY, then I’d suggest a change… that can be a bit much and you two need some time together ALONE!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): You are being too critical - they have been inclusive with you and you are sharing their lifestyle when at an event. You should be flattered. Just as you would hope they would share yours and adapt to your ways at an event you held. My husbands family are derogatory and rude to me and for no reason and I have no support - now I would call that a reason to be nervous or dislike family events. In fact their approach to me has all but destroyed my marriage. It doesn't sound like you are at that stage yet.....?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (14 July 2009):
 That BBQ sounds like a blast to me!! Man, his family is my dream family! Shrimp, broccoli, wine, board games? This is practically my ideal evening!! You seem like you come from an active family though, and I can understand if sitting on your butt all evening chatting gets boring and numbing.
Anyway, it seems pretty extreme that you can't live with going to these family affairs. Maybe if they were mean to you, or if they made you feel unwelcome or if they fought amongst themselves... but if you just feel a little bored or the food isn't your favorite, that's really not a good enough reason to blow his family off time after time. If your boyfriend is really wonderful, you love him and you want to be in his life for awhile, you're just going to need to get used to his family. Maybe have an extra glass of wine!
Why don't you and your boyfriend invite his family out sometime to do things your way? Ask them if they want to go to a baseball game or play some volleyball, or come over to your place for a BBQ? But when they invite you, it is courteous to go and enjoy the evening the way they planned it. Grit your teeth, get ready for some board games and smile your way through the evening, even if you're bored out of your skull. If you really like this guy, make effort - they could end up your in laws someday!!
Good luck, sweetness!
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