A
female
age
22-25,
sarahlee
writes:I disclose so much about myself to friends that it turns out they become my enemy and I stop talking to them. Whenever I have any issue, firstly it shows on my face and I discuss about it with every single person so much that everyone feels pity for me n curses the other person for doin this to me, I take every single thing to my heart. When i break up with someone,i would keep changin my online status to silly status just so that he reads it or change my profile picture, just so he sees it. its like a pattern...i break up out of jealousy (ie. I think they are cheating on me)..its like my faith in guys is gone and now tht i am happily engaged i sometimes don't trust my fiance and repeat the same with him...i don't want to lose him or this relationship..pls tell me what is wrong with me?
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engaged, fiance, jealous Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, bitterblue  + ♥, writes (2 March 2008):
 I once knew a person who seemed very... invulnerable, in every way. One day he explained "I have many weaknesses. You would not imagine how many! But I do not disclose them, for the sake of protection, not randomly at least!" This of course does not imply you should engage your shields and become untouchable in every situation or against invisible enemies. Nevertheless it is time that you consider restricting the personal information from... unauthorised use. Apart from the fact this habitude has the potential of creating a sensation of neglectfulness as regards intimate issues (which may lead to hesitations in being confided other people's personal information, for fear you would treat it equally as yours), it may also offer new occasions to the gossipy or malevolent, very eager to create rumours. If this derives from the desire to be listened to, create a journal. If you seek attention, you should try and focus your efforts on activities you can excel in. Recently a stranger told me details of her sentimental life in the most unselfconscious manner. We accidentally met again and I asked her about her friend. She was very surprised I was acquainted with the respective friend! Not disturbed however, of my intromission. You instead are very preoccupied with these issues, and self analytical. You notice the outcomes of your gratuitious recounts and feel vulnerable! Very well, you have the power to organise your life better. Next time you are in danger of exposing yourself randomly remember you are your words and also their warden. Feel powerful beyond measure. Because you are. Be creative. Imagine what your boyfriend does when you are apart. Cheating is too ordinary. You must occupy yourself with positive thoughts... and believe.
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I agree with Dazzerg that you have intimacy issues. There is a phrase: "Good fences make good neighbors". This has to do with boundaries and when you don't have any, it is easy to feel hurt and see your friends as enemies.
When we "tell everyone everything" about ourselves, what we are doing is emeshing ourselves with another person and we don't know where we end and the other person begins.
It is a wonderful thing that you are honest with others and are so willing to share but this has to be done step by step, earning and building trust with each exchange. Unfortunately, there are many people out there that will view your personal information as having not much value if you give them all of it in the beginning.
I imagine this is what you do with your boyfriends as well and this is what causes you to be insecure, jealous, and to play games.
There is a great website you should take a look at:http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/boundary.htm
This will take some effort on your part but I think it will be a good start for you!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  + ♥, writes (2 March 2008):
 Well it seems to me that you have intimacy and trust issues; now there is little indication in what you write here where they could come from but it would be a bad experience in the past that has left it's mark on you. The first thing is to to get that out in the open and talk with somebody about how that made you feel; then you move onto moving on and working on your trust issues.
When you are feeling anixious, like your fiance might be cheating on you, you need to step back and take deep breaths. Try and consciously establish control over your emotions; remind yourself of all the reasons why he wouldn't of all the things he has done to show you that he loves you and only you. Bring back the memories of all the good times you have shared. If it is possible ask him to actively reassure you and keep moving forward on that basis. Hopefully you will find this occurs less and less.
As regards your sensitivity I am not sure there is an awful lot that you can do except try and control your emotions by taking a breath before you react. Good luck.
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