A
female
age
36-40,
*pirited
writes:I have a friend who is really pissed at me, and I understand; but she doesn't understand me. I haven't spoken to her since March of this year. She's tried calling me, I avoid her calls... and when I moved away, I disappeared from the world. Now, the why...Since I've known her she's been kinda buck-wild. But that was fine b/c it wasn't a big deal and I was the more "mommy" of the friendship. But lately she's gotten out of control. No lie, I cried the day she called me telling me she lost her virginity (during Holy Week, too). She lost it in the back seat of a car with some guy she's been obssessed w/ for over 2 years who doesn't give a crap about her. Everytime I saw her after that, it was to tell me a story of some new guy she messed around with or slept with. That kinda stuff doesn't sit well with me... especially since I'm still a virgin. Regardless, I don't know what to do... it got to the point that I've gone w/ her to get a pregnancy test. HELLO... sign you should calm down, right? No, she got worse. I dunno what to do. I miss her and I wanna be her friend, but she's nuts, and all she talks about is sex and being wanted. I wanna talk to her, but I can't make her change... BUT I can't live my life worrying about her. I would have nightmares about her, I would just sit and cry for her. I'm more calm now, but I think about her all the time.What do I do??
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 You sound like a religous person, thus all I can advise you do is pray for her.
You are not her mother, nor are you responsible for her.
You made it clear that you do not share her views on sex, and that you do not support her lifestyle. She still talks to you about it.
Bottomline: You can not save someone that she herself, does NOT want to be saved.
Cut contact, and just keep her in your prayers.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, Gem86  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Hmmm... thats quite tricky.
Ok well you have to ask yourself, do you still want her in your life? If no, then move on. If yes, youre going to have to deal with this somehow.
Your friend might simply be the kind of girl who just loves sex, which is something you'll have to live with. Or she's a kind of person who uses sexual attraction to improve their self confidence (from reading what you have written, this is probably most likely). As her friend you need to be there for her, but is this really worth all this pain? Maybe its time for you to take a back seat and let your friend take control of her own life. Friends should be there for each other, but not so that youre crying about her.
She's probably not going to chance. You need to accept this. You just need to learn how you can support her as a friend without trying to change her into a person she is not. If youre good friends, you could always ask her to mind what she says around you (ie. no sex talk). I really hope you can get past this, take care xxx
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