A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Summing it up and asking for words of wisdom; was in an 18 year relationship- I cheated. I left and she found someone right away and they live together now. We have had lots of "conversations." Not too long ago, she contacted me and said she still loved me and wanted to me. I hesitated because she is with someone. She is not a person who likes to be alone. I still love her and believe she loves me. But... she is still with that person. I know it's best to move on but mostly our life together was good. I cheated because I was stupid and have that to blame on no one but myself. Bottom line: We were close for so long; I am still close with her mother/sister. I think I need to stop obsessing about it and go on but it's so hard for me to let go. And, I miss her friendship and the years we shared. Thanks.
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male
reader, yodastud  +, writes (6 July 2009):
Tell her what you wrote here! You seem honest and heartfelt - and if I can feel that, then she, who actually knows you, should as well. You may not get the answer you want, be prepared, but until you tell her... you will never know.
I suggest you also figure out why you cheated rather than just saying it was "stupid". If I were your ex - I would want to know this before even considering taking you back. Unless real change has happened (and that takes work) then all the bad stuff will just repeat itself eventually.
A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (5 July 2009):
 You spent such a long time together, so it is definitely understadable that you would miss each other and still have deep feelings for one another. It's hard to move on in your life after ending a relationship that defined so much of who you were. I guess you are the only one who can really answer this question: Do you want to work things out and spend the rest of your life with her or do you want to remain close friends and wonder about this for a long time? Personally, I would try to retain the friendship and stay close. And, I would make sure that her current partner is 100 percent aware of this so that no bad blood develops. However, if you decide that you want to get back together, I think you should sit down and have a long talk about how to do so in a way that is charitable and respectful of her current partner.Best of luck. xo
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