A
male
age
30-35,
*ara17
writes:I've been going out with my girlfriend for just over two months now, but before we were friends. I was also told that before I asked her out she liked me for a while, yet i was still very confused and a little scared to be honest when she told me she loved me the first day we were going out. To be honest, i panicked a little bit but my friends reassured me by telling me either that she may do and i didn't know how she was feeling or that i was thinking into this way too much. Then the relationship started off well and i started to really like her, to be honest I can't really say if I love her or not because i don't know, then after a month i noticed a few things which started to get on my nerves a bit. For example, she seemed to think that she could talk to me one day loads then the next day she would try to avoid me, it was as if she could decide when she wanted to go out with me or not. To be honest another petty thing that annoyed me was when she'd almost try to show off in front or her friends and it sort of embarrassed me a little, as she may talk really loudly or be a drama queen or something. Then this last week we went on a school trip together (we're in sixth form) for a long weekend, and i noticed more things that wound me up a little, although these were probably heightened as we were both very tired. For example she would ignore me for a few hours even when i tried to make an effort to speak to her she would give me a short response and walk away, then she would ask me why i hadn't spoken to her for ages later on. One time she also commented on how glad she was that somebody who was on the trip who she hardly knew was there otherwise she'd be so bored, forgetting that i was there, it almost felt like she was trying to make me jealous. Then finally another thing that irritated me in a really petty way was that she didn't seem to want to eat in front of me, and always offered the food (or drink) to me, and although she may have been trying to be kind it irritated me slightly. So pretty much, my problem is that i can't understand why i don't like her more and it seems like there's something holding me back but i can't put my finger on it, also I've had a number of comments with people telling me how they can see she likes me so much, some one even told her that they thought it was obvious that "she liked me so much more than i liked her". Ok so that's where I am, thanks for reading, any help would be appreciated. I would just like any advice on maybe what I'm doing wrong and what could improve my relationship. After everything I've said I want to make it clear that i really like her, and don't want to end it. Thank you! and sorry I know that this is vague, but i would really appreciate your thoughts on this, even if it is to tell me I'm being a complete idiot!
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reader, para17 +, writes (18 February 2010):
para17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for your reply, you really did just some up how i feel in the first paragraph!
I think that also a part of me feels a little guilty as people say she's so into me, yet don't get me wrong i really like her, but to me it is still early days. I'm going to try to slow it down a bit and take your advice, I think i'm going to have to be careful about how i say things to her though, i don't want to seem really harsh! thanks sop much for your advice though, i think part of it is me simply being a typical "confused about feelings" guy :) thanks again x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): I wonder if it could be because she told you she loves you on the first day you were going out? I can understand you feeling a bit panicked by that. A guy once told me he loved me on the first date, and I thought it was completely weird and scary!
Maybe you are just not sure how you feel about her, but you feel pressured about it. Again, a guy once told me he loved me after about a month of dating, and I didn't feel the same. I wasn't sure how I felt, so I didn't say anything back. But it left me feeling like maybe he was waiting for me to say it, and I kept trying to feel more towards him. Also, people kept saying how great we were together, and how much he obviously cared about me. It all felt like too much pressure. Like everyone saw us as being perfect, but I wasn't so sure how I felt about it.
Does any of that sound like how you feel? You've been going out for two months, and I think it can take much longer than that to really decide how you feel about someone. It is still early days, and feelings take time to develop. But maybe you feel like you should be feeling more for her now? Especially with what other people say, it must be a bit of pressure on you. I think you should try and relax more, and not force any feelings. If you are unsure how you feel, that is okay. That is what dating someone is about, getting to know them more, developing feelings...over time, you might start to feel more confident in how you feel about her.
It sounds like there are some things troubling you in the relationship, and they don't sound petty to me. I can understand you putting effort in, and feeling like it is not being noticed or appreciated. Do you think you could talk to her about it, and explain how you feel? Maybe she thinks everything is fine, and isn't aware of any problems. Or maybe there are things bothering her too. I think you should try and discuss it with her if possible, and try and explain to each other how you both feel.
I think it is great that you really want to work on improving things, rather than ending it. But it is a two way thing, so she also needs to put some effort in too. Communicate with her more. Try and put aside all the comments other people make, whether good or bad. They aren't in the relationship, so they don't really know the whole picture. Trust yourself on this. I hope something here helps...good luck. x
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