A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI am with my bf for an year. At first he was very nice, considerate and we talk almost daily in phone. For the past few months i am seeing some changes in him, like 1. He often says i am stupid, idoitic, crazy, psycho..2. He never apologisies even if we fight, actually i cant even say its fight. He yells at me and slams the phone and never calls back. I am the one who need to apologize for everything3. He never calls, i am the one who almost always calls and even if i stop calling for 2-3 days also he never bothers to call. If i call him 4-5 times a day, he might pick up the call once.4. If he is good for one day he will be cold and distant for almost a week or more.5. He always is emotionally distant to me. Talks to me in a nice way if he is drunk and the next day he says he dont remember anything and hence not sure whatever he said is true or not.5. He is like a drug to me, even if i want to stop calling him, i end up calling him. I cant make myself leave him. I have tried really hardHe never physically abuses me or get jealous even if i talk to anyone or never demands for all my time. I am not sure whether he is abusing me or not. Am i imagining things or is he abusing me?I couldnt think straight when it comes to him. Please help me understand the situation clearly. Thanks for reading the entire post
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female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (29 January 2011):
I always believe, people only get away with what we allow them to get away with.... and despite you saying he doesn't phyiscally abuse you, what you haven't grasped yet is that he is actually mentally abusing you, which in my eyes is just as serious and can have a huge impact on your confidence and future.
A good relationship is built on a two way connection, and you aren't getting this... what are you actually getting out of this relationship... nothing!
I really think you deserve so much more than ... a caring considerate man who praises you, and accepts you for who you are because he loves you.
Move on hun because I really don't feel that this man cares for you as much as you do him.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, RebeccaMay +, writes (29 January 2011):
This is a tough one. My boyfriend can be like this too sometimes, and it's horrible. It sounds to me as if he is 'leading you a merry dance', as we say in England. He seems to think that he can make himself feel better somehow by putting you down, and that's not ok. I would call this a form of abuse, yes. And what is worst of all is that he seems to know that he is treating you badly, but knows that you will put up with it, so he thinks it's ok.
Have you tried talking to him about this? I know it's hard, but if he knew that it was really upsetting you and that he might lose you if it carries on, he might think twice about it next time. Also, if he's only just started doing it, there may be something else going on in his life that's really upsetting him, and he's taking it out on you.
Either way, it's not ok for him to do this to you. Whatever his problems are, you are not a human stressball and don't deserve to be treated like one. If he has problems, then he needs to discuss them with you, not bully you to vent his frustration.
I think you should try talking to him and see if it helps. And if you do, and it still carries on, then you're better off without him.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2011):
I'll answer each of your points, and hope that you see the light here, because if you don't, you're in for a really miserable time.
1 - No guy who loves and respects you will call you those things. It's just demeaning, and does nothing other than make you unhappy.
2 - Anyone who does not take responsibility for their conduct doesn't have respect for you, and thinks too much of themselves.
3 - Why bother if you're the one always calling. Him not calling is just more proof of him not being interested.
4 - Emotionally distant? This man is supposed to love you, not be distant.
5 - You can stop talking to him any time you like. You're choosing not to, and you need to find out why.
This is mental abuse, basically, and it will get worse the more you accept it. There is no future whatsoever with this man, other than you being totally unhappy and running after him. He isn't emotionally there at all, and I don't think he loves you or cares for you in the slightest. I just think he enjoys knowing you'll come running. He is abusing you, and you are letting him do it. That means you have a problem. You need to be honest and find out why you're so willing to accept such poor treatment.
End it with this guy, and get some help to find out why you're ready to take crap from a man who doesn't care for you.
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