A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound pathetic but I can't stop thinking about my ex whom i only dated for about four months. We broke up 8 months ago. He drug the relationship out for about a month before the split, and right after we broke up I cut contact with him completely. I lead a busy life with school and work full time, have outside hobbies, go out with friends, and have hung out with other guys ( no hookups or sex though) and excersice regularly. I am an attractive, young female. I feel fine most of the time but he's still on my mind, and I miss him. I miss the friendship and the SEX! i can't even masterbate without him subconciously slipping into my thoughts without me knowing. I guess the rejection really messed with me? Do I just have to accept that I may always miss him, and it's not really something I can control?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEverything i search about this tells me i miss the idea of him. I can honestly say I really do miss HIM. We were strictly friends for a good 6 months before we decided to date but me and him together always was a good time lots of laughs and just someone extremely similar to me a lot of similar life experiences. Someone you would want to keep as a best friend for life. Now I know he has problems and that he is selfish and does not have the capacity to truly care for someone enough to have a relationship with them. i ended up falling for him so hard i can't just be friends anymore, and him being a selfish person at least at this time in his life, can't really be a true friend to anyone.Amazing K was right, he just got under my skin a little deeper than others.To be honest, I don't really want a relationship all that badly myself as I am young and before I was with him I dated someone for four years. I need a break but when I was with him, I couldn't stand the thought of not being with him..( not physically but in a relationship)Yes, I have been holding out on sex and hookups for him even though i can't imagine actually taking him back or for another guy I fall head over heals for. But lately I am opening up to the idea of having maybe a hookup friend to clear my mind and stop obsessing and help me move on from my ex. And to help me know there are other fish in the sea.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
 NOT pathetic at all. HUMAN and NORMAL. YOU miss the sex and the dream of a relationship. YOU miss the partnership… YOU DON’T actually miss HIM you miss what he represents.
If you heard from friends that he’s drinking too much you know how he is doing….. and you have to be aware YOU CAN’T fix him.
I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was just about 18 years old. I’m 53 now and guess what… occasionally I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s happy and ok… and then poof, he’s gone.
Are you not dating or hooking up out of a glimmer of hope that this guy will come back to you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I did some more damage to myself by not letting myself be sad about the breakup when it happened. I tried to act like everything was fine and I didn't care. I never talked to anyone about it. And I also set myself up for failure when my number was changed and I never gave it to him or contacted him and expected to somehow here from him or make him miss me enough to somehow get in touch with me. I wish I knew how he was doing. I've heard from friends he drinks too much. I'm not surprised as he was a depressed person when and throughout our relationship. Sometimes I feel like a friend who abandoned my friend by cutting contact. Its hard to remember the bad things about how he treated me and also that he was the one to break up with me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I'd start to observe your obsessing over him. What I mean is, just become aware of your thinking patterns surrounding him.
Ask yourself, when you start to obsess, "okay, here I go, why did I choose this time and place to start to think about him again? I wonder why I do that? Okay, I'm just going to let my thoughts wander and watch where they go."
Just observe and watch, without judging yourself, it's a form of self-awareness and compassion for yourself that you want to cultivate. Eventually, the answer will become apparent to you.
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A
female
reader, amazingk +, writes (18 March 2013):
 You won't ALWAYS miss him, but you may miss him for a while. Sometimes there's certain people that get under our skin despite the brief time they might've actually been in our lives. Even if it takes a year or more, trust me: you WILL get over it as long as you do everything in your power to move on rather than feed the fantasy. Stay strong and keep pushing. You're better than wanting someone that doesn't want you.
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