A
female
age
36-40,
*izz*confused
writes:Me and my boyfried have been together for 3 1/2 years we have a beautiful 1 year old little boy, but before all this our sex life was great!! Now it seems like I dont want it as much as he does we have talked, and talked about it but it seems like I cant change it. Dont get me wrong I love him and the sex is good, when I get it but its like he has to beg and whin for it and it shouldnt be like that. I need help and advice on how to let go of that shy girl inside of me and bring out that little freak that he wants. He wants me to make moves on him, but it seems like Im to shy to do that I dont want him going out and cheating on me, something he has said he will do if I dont come on with it. This has been an issue for a long time and I dont want to throw away everything we have just because I cant seem to get that engine started and give him the sex he wants and deserves. Please help before it is to late!!
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male
reader, Music Man +, writes (24 April 2008):
get drunk.... lol my girl wanted me to talk dirty, we got tipsy and i was able to. after her response i was reassured that she wouldn't find it weird or whatever. some may disagree but after the experiment while being tipsy I'm fine all the time. it took the edge off and the embarrassment. I'm not deep but I'm real, hope it helped.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 It's a fairly normal reaction for a lot of women after having a baby. Your body is saying "I don't want another baby yet. I'm busy enough with this one." And so your sex-drive reduces or disappears altogether. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it most certainly does happen to many thousands of women after having a baby.
Although this feeling, or lack of feeling, should wear off after a couple of years, you tend to get out of the habit of having and enjoying sex and it can be difficult to re-capture the same spark that was once there.
Trying to rekindle the spark can be difficult and what works for one couple doesn't necessary work for everyone. It's very easy to say that your husband should be patient until you are ready, but from what you say that's not what you want and would be destructive to your relationship.
A few ideas:
What turns you on? You may not have thought about it for some time, but take some time on your own and consider it. What's your fantasy? Even if you really aren't thinking about sex right now, it's still somewhere buried in your thoughts. Find it, and get him to "play" it when you've worked it out. (Order him to play it, maybe. Some men love being ordered around in the bedroom!!).
Do something different. Your body might be saying "no" to sex in the way you did it before you became pregnant - so do it differently. Across the kitchen table? Or something as simple as being on top rather than underneath.
Dress up. It doesn't have to be anything too extreme, but soft, sexy, silky clothes (or whatever - different people have different likes/dislikes) can be a turn-on for you as well as him. Make the effort to wear that special nightdress or whatever it is that most women have tucked away somewhere. If not, go buy one.
And, following on from that last thought, choose something new together - something sexy. Find a good lingerie site (or, maybe, a mildly "naughty" site) on the Internet and browse what's available together. Channel your thoughts into the "if I was wearing that..." and see where it takes you - and if he is looking at it with you, the turn-on should be mutual. Don't be afraid to say it out loud to each other. Laugh at it together: "she looks a right tart in that" "yeah but you'd look great in it" and "you would never wear something like that" "I might...".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): There's something not quite right if you're still shy after being together for over three years. Apart from that, having a demanding baby about the house can be a drain on anyone's energy and libido. Maybe your boyfriend could ease the situation by helping around the house a little more and take some of the responsibilities of parenthood off your shoulders, which might put you in a better frame of mind when it comes to other things.
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