A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel betrayed by my ex. We were together for two years and with plans to marry. I gave him my virginity and he knew most of my secrets and family private stuff. I was the one who dumped him but because he started changing and betraying me emotionaly hanging out with his female friends. We were always together and although our relationship was never perfect he is the first man in my life. He was my second boyfriend and the only one I have really been serious about. He was there when I graduated from my Master's, he was there when my loving grandmother passed away, when I sang at the church choir and more. I know I deserve better than him and my family and friends don't like him but just I can't let go that easy. I'm not in love with him but I still have feelings for him. I know I should not get back with him for reasons I'll keep to myself to make this shorter. He says I'll have to meet some conditions in order for us to get back together. I've never asked him to get back together. In fact I'm still feeling kind of hurt by his past actions. But since I just can't let go that easy of our past and I've been contacting him lately maybe I've been sending mixed signals to him. I know I should but I just can't throw away the souvenirs I've kept from our relationship. The dried flowers, the jacket I was wearing when I saw him for the first time in my life, the shirt he was wearing, the pictures...Sometimes I feel as if my life was kind of paralized because I can't get that it's over and just move on. It's been two months since I broke up with him but we've been flirting back and forth lately. I almost don't have friends, my life revolved around him mostly. It's like I've lost my closest friend and I don't know how to deal with it. Any tips?
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (14 August 2007):
You are remembering the good moments and therefore have trouble letting go. I don't know your exact situation, but if he hurt you that badly, you must let go. You know those women who end up on talk shows because their husbands beat them and they keep returning to them? You probably call them crazy. But that is what he did to you emotionally, which is just as bad. So why return?When you are with someone for a long time, you get comfortable. We are creatures of habit and we don't like shocks to our system. Ending this was a shock, but probably a shock for the better. Now go out and meet other people. If he no longer served a positive purpose, let it go and the same with those sentimental items. Do you own them or are you letting them own you?Go out on the town. Volunteer for something. What about people you met at school? What about people you know through church?
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