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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey there. I have a problem with being assertive. I mean, I can't ever say no because I'm so afraid of hurting people or seeing their reactions. I can't ever say no and I wish I could. The other day my friend asked me to go into town with her but I didn't want to, so I said yes because I didn't want to upset my friend. I told my mum later on that I didn't want to go and she had to ring up my friends mum and tell her. My friend was annoyed with me for not telling her in the first place and I felt so bad. I knew I should have said no but I couldn't let her down. Another one of my friends keeps asking me if I want to go and hang round in the village with her, because I'm very shy, I NEVER want to go, so I say to my friend "I'll ask my mum, wait here" so I go through to the next room, wait a while and then go back to my friend and say "My mum says no sorry". I really want to be more assertive, but if it's not in my personality then I can't change it can I? But I really want to, the only thing that is stopping me saying no is thinking that I hate seeing peoples let down reactions. I know I can't progress through life being this childish, but it seems to be something I can't help although I need to get over it. This is why I'm depending so much on your advice. Thanks.
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (28 April 2006):
 Be honest learn to stand up for your self and defend yourself do not worry about hurting other people. In this life you have to learn to be tough . so mthere is no law in this country that you cannot say no. Do not be a push over and let others control or bully you learn to stay in control.
A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 you just need to be honest with people, you can't make everyone happy, its ok to say no and i can say from experience its better to be honest then lie, i had a friend just like you she would never say no or tell you the truth abut her feelings, she would always say yes to coming to my house for dinner, and i found out by another friend that she was bitching behind my back about how she hates going to my house for food because i serve to much rice, now i don't invite her over anymore because i don't believe that she is being sincere, dont be like her, it really bugs people when your not honest and up front, just be honest because people prefer honsty then being stuffed around, lied too and bitched about.people are going to more let down and disappointed if you lye to them instead of just being honest.
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