A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to be honest with myself by saying this, I still love my ex and I want her back.She broke up with me saying she didn't have time for a relationship what with work, having 2 horses to look after and train plus being a scout leader. I feel empty and lost without her. People have told me to move on but i cant. i've tried but I just end up pushing them away because I've lost a lot of trust in girls and they're not who i truly want to be with. but i'm going out my mind, all i can think about is her as much as it annoys and pains me to say it. I want her back so badly. what do i do???
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): You don't know when it will happen again. Any time you date, you risk being hurt. But if you don't date, you end up with no one. Listen, I am seeing a guy here, who has a lot of baggage and trust issues, encumbered by his personal dating history. How sad you allow that to supersede, the fun, happy moments of dating and meeting new and amazing people.
We've all been hurt in relationship situation. Your ex gf has chosen to end this relationship. You can't do anything about that. It's painful, but you need to heal, recover and bounce back, first. And once that occurs you keep trying to find that special person...all refreshed, renewed and positive. Right now is not the time to date others, though. Why? You have baggage and you are allowing trust issues (fears) to supersede all. Yes, you can't trust females and this is a fear. You're letting fear take the wheel and steer, but the only way to live productively is from your hope, not your fear. You likely need to get fully engaged in life again--in a positive way. Look at your situation and really assess what is going wrong here. Why are these females loving and leaving you? Poor selective choices, on your part? Or is there something in the way you interact with them, that is making them turn away? Are you allowing this 'past' relationship baggage creep into new interactions?
If you don't think about this fear and just free yourself from the from the need of finding someone to ease the loneliness, you have the best chance of finding someone you can build a solid relationship with. Mourn the loss, heal, recover and when you are ready...get back out there and keep trying.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow thank you irish, that was a pretty big reply. i guess the other problem i have now is trust. every girl i've been with has said they love me only to leave me. and i mean ALL of them. so how do i trust again? how do i know it wont happen again? i dont, and thats what scares me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): You've lost a love and it's agonizing and I am sorry for what you are enduring. You are smack in the middle of the grief stages, here. Your pain, your sorrow may be awful, but that is part of the healing process. Acknowledge your feelings about what has happened. Help yourself by surrounding yourself with people who do care, like your wonderful friends and close family. They can such a source of incredible love and support for you. But it's crucial to remind yourself everyday that you are loved...you deserve to be loved and you can go on...you have the strength-you just don't see that yet.
When you start thinking too much about her, snap your fingers to interrupt the thought and go get active. Do what it takes! Go jogging-walking..do something to get your mind off her. Decide that neither of you are at fault and both of you are responsible for this breakup. It takes two. There will be days when you are feel sad, worthless, and foolish. Allow yourself to feel pain but don't wallow in self-pity because that's where the depression hits and drags you into deep, dark despair. Get up and get busy. Keep busy with exercise or projects, job goals. Voulunteer, participate in hobbies and interests that will help you through this. Don't let yourself become bitter. Over time, you will finally believe that it is over and you begin to feel at peace. And only then, can you get your life back. And only then can you be ready to meet new love interests because you're no longer dwelling over your ex.
While attempting to let go and heal, please consider breaking contact with her and avoid hanging around places where you know she will be...or places that remind you of what you shared. You should accept that it's over, stop asking why, realize and accept your emotions, decide to let go of the past by staying away from emotional traps, by learning from your mistakes and by looking forward to the future. What makes breaking up so traumatic? Often, there are many unresolved emotions and unfinished business. If you see her too soon, you risk triggering those unresolved feelings and fantasies, which will prevent you from moving on. However, when you heal totally and the time is right, such reunions can also be a valuable opportunity to work through the unfinished business. Sometimes you'll discover that all of the feelings of rejection that you've been harbouring are overblown. Such realizations allow you to move on to new relationships.
Give yourself plenty of time for the wounds to heal. With distance and a fresh new perspective, any lingering pain may ease, and a new love may emerge. Many of us entertain the fantasy of seeing an ex and having them say, "take me back!" This would restore your feeling that you and your love mattered, but it actually only happens in a few cases so you shouldn't let your hopes skyrocket.
Concentrate on caring for yourself and realize you are are human..you are special and you will find strength and hope to get through this. Take care
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