A
female
age
36-40,
*ickledegg
writes:Ok, i will keep this short and sweet(ish).I am a 24 year old girl and I have been in a stressful relationship for three years. I love this man very much, I know him inside out and he knows me just as well. However, we break up. A lot. And it's always him breaking up with me over something stupid. We used to live together but I got so stressed out that when he broke it off for the 20th time, I moved out to a new city and got myself a job and a flat.We got back together four months later as we missed each other terribly. We did long distance and though we didn't have a steady time, there were certainly fewer fights. He broke up with me 5 months later because I didn't talk about him on facebook enough (I know..) and he couldn't handle the distance. I can understand these reasons but he broke up with me by text after ignoring me for a few days which just made me want out too. So we broke up.2 weeks later, his dad passed away. He didn't know his dad and hadn't seen him for several years but I know that this has hurt him deeply so I have agreed to be there for him as I know he doesn't have many friends, he also doesn't have a job at the moment which is just adding more pressure. Three weeks later and I am terribly confused. He wants to get back together and though I want to be there for him and a part of me really wants him back, there are several hurdles;1. My friends and family despise him for some of the cruel things he has done in the past (I blame myself for telling them... it's possible they weren't that cruel and I was just over-reacting.)2. I don't want to move in together anytime soon and I want to continue long distance so we can ensure the stability of our relationship before repeating previous mistakes.3.I just don't know if this is worth it but I don't want to regret it in the future. It's like I can't make a decision which is just cruel on the pair of us. I never wanted to break up, he did, and I was left for days on end crying before deciding that it simply can't go on and trying to get over him. He tried to get back with me then but I said no as I just couldn't do it anymore. Then, when I found out his father died, I was upset for him. This is all totally ridiculous but if anyone has any advise/wisdom, it would be greatly appreciated as I can't really talk to my family and friends as though they would not stop me being with him, several of them have said that they can't watch me do it to myself again. He's never been physically abusive, he's just very immature when it comes to arguing. He has a quick temper but is also incredibly loving and attentive. I'm sorry to ramble, thank you for reading.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 "He has a quick temper but is also incredibly loving and attentive."
For many girls, this is basically crack. It's dramatic and exciting and unpredictable. Most chicks are far more attached to those traits than to simple happiness or contentment, even when they know it's bad for them.
You need to understand that this drama of dumping you, taking you back, and fighting immaturely are all things that will make you want to make further mistakes. This is unhealthy. You have to get him out of your life and move into a healthier relationship.
It is far easier (and healthier) to take a stable relationship and add excitement, than to take an exciting relationship and add stability.
"I just don't know if this is worth it but I don't want to regret it in the future."
Regret is part of life. You might regret dumping him; you might regret staying with him. Accept that regret may be the price of the right decision sometimes.
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