A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For some reason I can never hold onto friends. I try so hard to fit in and be good to them, but I always seem to be the odd one out, who doesn't get invited places or has to walk behind the group when the path isn't big enough. It makes me feel so unimportant and worthless. I've never actually had a truly best friend who would actually look out for me, and trouble is, I am not sure how to find one. Friends I have had always seem to tire of me and stop bothering with me, and I am unsure why, I don't be clingy or overbearing or mean about anyone, but I do realise that I must be doing something wrong, as it has happend quite a lot. When I ask people for advice on making friends I always seem to be told to be myself, but by being myself I seem to drive people away!! How can I make good lasting friendships with people who won't turn on me? I know it sounds silly, but I don't think I know how to make them anymore
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female
reader, Mrs G  +, writes (29 September 2014):
first you have to find out more about your- self to have friends you must first be a friend helping people sometimes makes one feel embarrass. there's away to do everything.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2014):
 It's tough to know how to help you without knowing more about you. I have a few questions based on what you've written as well as other general ones:
1. What does it mean to have someone "look out for you"? And have you looked out for anyone else in your life?
2. Why have friends stop bothered with you? Has anything specifically been said to you that signaled an end to a friendship?
3. Who, specifically, do you ask for advice on making friends? Why would they say to "be yourself", and why is that hard?
4. Have you ever resorted to lie about yourself to make your life seem more attractive or interesting?
5. Have you had relationships before that went beyond friendship (i.e. had a boyfriend or girlfriend if you're gay)?
6. Were you in a group in high school or college, and did you have acquaintances or friends in those groups?
7. When you do start having a friend, do you do the calling or inviting people out, or do you wait to be invited?
I ask that last question because you talk about not getting invited places, which shows me a passive approach to friendship. I tend to be one of those people who do the inviting if I'm wanting to hang out with a friend. When was the last time you were the inviter??
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