A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 46 been married 28 years. my husband demmands me to do things sexually that i'm not comfortable with. I've always gave in in the past but his recent demmand i just cant do. I've tried it but i dont like it. we have been fighting about it for 3 months now. He sulks and says i dont love him. well since we started fighting i'm finding it hard to even give him any affection. He calls me names and says i'm selfish. what should i do? I've told him he can leave if he's not happy but he just sits and sulks and it's driving me crazy i almost hate him now. Help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): To the ORIGINAL POSTER of the question:
Please, please, please do NOT allow yourself to be treated in this manner, you are being treated like a ' sex doll' as though you have no desires or dislikes yourself. You are not being treated as a partner but more as a COMMODITY!
Why or why do you want or continue to live with this man???
Would you not be better off single, being with someone who loved and respected you..Too many people endure marriage, and this is not what it supposed to be about, if it's NOT healthy, and this clearly isn't, as YOU are not happy with his demands. Regardless of what the ' Anonymous FEMALE' poster had to say with regards to what she was happy with or wanted to try..it is IRRELEVANT, she obviously has a problem with understanding YOU do NOT LIKE the demands this bully of a husband puts on you. This is ABUSE, please seek some outside help, don't allow this to continue.
As for threesomes, yes, I was just waiting for you to mention that, I'm so sorry for you - No doubt he has a porn addiction too..Please..I already can picture the type of man, no need to explain further.
I wouldn't put up with a man like that for five minutes, he would be out the back jack! Stand up for yourself, let him go off..I would, and good riddance, you deserve more, but FIRST you have to command more.
Please take care and don't do anything, not anything that makes you feel like your body is there for abuse.
Jilly
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous. I have tried anal and it was fine until i got hemeroids and it hurts me now. He would continue to try and when i would tell him no that it hurts he would still try until i got pissed, so no he doesnt care how i feel. I do have oral sex with him.I suck it, swallow it and i do roll play. Ive even had sex in public. Brought food into the bedroom used suckers and the whip cream,chocolate, ect. When he wants me to do something he will tell me he wants it and then sulk if i dont,shouldnt it be up to me to do it. If he would just let it go maybe i would try it once in a awhile (which i have) then i could maybe get use to it and maybe like it.But know he is mean about it.That doesnt make a person even want to try it only hurts and pisses you off. He threatens to cheat even after he did 3 times (that i can prove) who knows how many other ones there has been. He demmanded I dye my hair blonde threaten to leave me for that, then when i did it he said its not blonde enough and that he still didnt get what he wanted. Do you think thats ok too. What he is wanting me to do is suck him then have intercourse then just before he has an orgasim he wants me to suck him off again. That might not sound bad for you but i dont like to eat p**sy im sorry and why is that such a big deal to him. The oral part is ok but im sorry the other just doesnt turn me on and makes me uncomfortable.I wonder what will be his next demand. He will probably want the threesomes cause he has mentioned that also. To tell you the truth i'm scared to find out. What a person does sexually is up to them it shouldnt be forced is all im saying.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I agree to a point female anonymous, but if your partner wanted you to try as you said "swinging,threesomes,anything with urine or feces or animals" and then sulked and fought with you when he didn't get his way- would you cave in??
I should hope that you probably wouldn't... and that is the point, fulfilling your partners sexual fantasies is an option if you're comfortable with it... its not an obligation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Well,after 28 years of the same thing aren't you bored yourself? Things click,and have been clicking with my boyfriend sexually for years now. Here's why: we experiment. Experimentation is something so essential to sex. Say you made your husband hot dogs for dinner every day for 28 years. Then one day he wanted to try something different like sushi. Yes it may sound unappetizing,and you may already feel dismissive towards trying it. You tell yourself you don't like it,and you don't eat it again,and continue to make hot dogs,when they repulse your husband and he's tired of them. The same goes for sex. My boyfriend and I have at least tried ALMOST everything once. Some things I strongly dismissed and refused to do, I now enjoy. Like anal, it used to hurt,and I refused always. But after opening my mind,I thought,let's give it anothr shot. So we did. And with practice and communication thru the sexual act such as telling him when it hurts,or to go slower,or give u more control or use more lube,something I hated so much started to give me pleasure. Now,seeing how u didn't mention what kind of sexual activities he wants you to engage in,I don't know how to help. I can tell you that he isn't caling you names because that's what he genuinley feels,he is just frustrated.If it is between the two of you,like role play,lapdances,mild to moderate bondage,sex toys,oral sex or anal play,that all can be fun with practice and TWO open minds and open hearts. If its swinging,threesomes,anything with urine or feces or animals..now that's something I can understand not being open to. But, if he's asking you to do these activities with him,his wife of 28 years,you should understand. He loves you enough to openly tell you what he craves sexually. He could just as easily go pick up a prostitute for what he wants and bring a nasty disease back home to you. But he wants these sexual things with YOU. As a woman in a sexually satisfied relationship,please,don't be scared to venture out of your comfort zone. Open your mind and explore new sexual activities together,as husband and wife,and you won't end up divorced. You may actually re ignite the spark that faded a long time ago!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 This check list might help you figure out in your mind whether or not he is being abusive towards you.
http://www.familyshelterservice.org/what-is-abuse/assess-your-situation/
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Why do you stay with him? Really? You need to ask yourself that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): After being on this site for a while, and seeing the turmoil and difficulties couples go through who have been married for several years, from porn problems, drink, drug addiction, to no intimacy or sex at all, sleeping in separate rooms, emotional abuse, as this situation depicts, I cannot stress enough, marriage is not about enduring hell on earth, although seeing some of the posts from people, that is exactly hat these marriages are.
I'm pleased I'm single, and have a peaceful life where I decide who comes into my life, and if they don't enrich it, then I would refer to be single.
I hope this woman stands up to her husband, as what a way to live, how soul destroying, no man, or woman should make demands, and if they care about their partner, they wouldn't demand in the first place.
I urge you not waste the life you have left, if he doesn't shape up, ship him out!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Dirtball is dead on. Im with him on this. Good luck miss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks too all that has answered and trying to help. hearing everyone tell me what i already feel lets me know im not crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have made a stand and been treating him coldly. He tells me he's gonna dye and he doesnt care. He had a heart attack at age 36 and that was my fault cause i stress him out so bad. He demmanded i dye my hair blonde and i fought him on it. Then i gave in and did it and he said "well its not blonde enough and he still didnt get what i wanted". This man is so self absorbed that there is know reasoning with him. I feel that if he loved me he wouldnt want be to do something i'm uncomfortable with but he just says "well if you loved me you would want to do anything to please me". By me standing up to him he just says harsher things. we have been to counsiling in the past and he just only hears what i need to do and not what he is doing wrong. it did no good.i am thinking i just need to leave him for both our sakes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 October 2010):
 The selfish one is him. Stand your ground, and if he pulls out the "you don't love me if you don't **fill in the blank**", tell him that he doesn't love you for asking. It can go two ways. You're not his personal sex toy.
Tell him to turn off the porn for once in his life.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (28 October 2010):
Sounds like you've given in to his demands too many times already... He's trying to emotionally black mail you by sulking & acting out because you've given in to this behavior before. Make a stand and show him that sulking will never get him what he wants ever again... that's baby behavior.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
 You should never be forced to do anything you're not comfortable with. Plain and simple. Part of a relationship is compromise. He's acting like a spoiled child who got his toy taken away. Verbal abuse isn't the answer.
Ideally, you two need to sit down and discuss this. You both have to remain calm and express why you're feeling the way you are. You need to hear eachother out. This may not be possible without help. I would suggest if you don't think you can do this alone, then you seek the help of a marriage councelor.
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