A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i asked a question similar to this before. I had trouble with my boyfriend and his ex having conversations that they shouldn't have been whislt i was with him. In the end we had to finish our relationship as i was so paranoid and he was frustrated and kept saying 'it was never a big deal, it's upsetting me that it's in your head so much when it was a mistake and it never meant anything' they didn't have sex or kiss or anything just said silly stuff. Anyway, we split up for 6 months. we both slept with 2 other people then we met up and he said he wanted to give it another go. So we have been back together now for about 5 months. (whole relationship about 2.5 years).Thing is i think i have a problem when i drink because we always argue and it's always my fault. so he says and i kind of agree although i think he pushes me. And it's always arguing about her. I know that they are not in contact anymore except maybe to say happy birthday which is fine by me. But do you think i have got an underlying mental issue about this? or should i just stop drinking? We get on great normally, obviously i am sometimes paranoid about his previous behaviour because he promises stuff and i keep thinking that he made those promises before and was lying then. I said that the other day and just replied with 'well it's completely different now'He is such fun and when we are good we are really great but drinking wise and about this girl just causes us problems. I would just like peoples opinions on the situation, should i leave him as i get paranoid even though i love him?should i get over the past, it's old news and we have started again?or quit drinking?!!!! (i don't have a drink problem i only drink once a week)thanks for your help. x
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (3 February 2009):
 well if drinking makes the situation worse then it would be a start to leave it alone for a while until it improves. i am in a similar situation to you so i can really relate. paranoia is aweful, ts not your fault though. sit down with your boyfriend in a mutual calm environment and talk to him, organise your thoughts prior to doing this. let him know that what he did was unacceptable and because of that you have issues. tell him how you are going to improve (men like to know that a bad situation can be resolved) then tell him that he can help (tell him what you want hm to do and tell him what is acceptable and what is unacceptable)bottom line is that you can only get over the past if the issues you have are completely resolved...you cant resolve them without speaking to him. keep me updated please, would like to know what you decide as this would help me too. x
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