A
male
age
51-59,
*cansaw
writes:I have been married for two very short months. About six months before I was married, I sold my house and moved in with my fiance'. I was doing some cleaning and making room for my things one night while she was at work. I came across a video....I put the video in the VCR. It was a sex tape her and her ex-husband had made. It was the most violent sex act I had ever saw! He was pulling her hair out, slapping her VERY hard, she was saying she was his whore and slut...He was banging her so hard it even looked painful...he was choking her and sticking his hand in her mouth grabbing her bottom jaw and using it to pull and...my God it was awful is all I can say. I asked her about the tape and she said he was verbally and sexually abusive to her. I saw the tape....she appeared to be enjoying it! She claims she was acting and did what he wanted so he would not be mad at her! We have always made love and our sex life has never EVER been the way it was in the tape. She was married to him for 15 years! I thought I could deal with all this but it now seems to be killing me. Her ex still is causing problems with her kids and I see her as dirty now....and I wonder what her and her other sex partners did after she divorced her ex! It consumes my brain because I can see it in my mind....because I did see it in the tape! I can't even bear to have sex with her anymore.....I am just all messed up over this!!!! I do love her with all my heart....How do I move forward!!!!!
View related questions:
at work, divorce, fiance, her ex, moved in, sex life, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcansaw +, writes (25 June 2007):
rcansaw is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you mamalouise! I know I can pull through this .....I just have to figure out how. Thanks eddie as well! I have already been to two therapist appointments and will continue to go. Just came here for more advice and help because I want to get over this...and never know someone one here could help. THANKS
A
female
reader, mamalouise +, writes (25 June 2007):
It sounds as if he could have been abusive to her. She is not with him anymore and he is still causing her problems is also a sign that he may have been abusive. She probably felt she had to behave this way with him in order to please him because who knows what the reprocussions could have been. It is really sad that you had to see someone you love have sex with another man. Even if they were just having missionary sex I am sure it would have bothered you. Because you love her and she is having sex with another man. Perhaps you feel that you don't measure up to the excitement level in the bedroom. If you have not heard any complaints I am sure you are just fine.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Ok. you can't hold her responsible for sexual encounters she had before she met you. It's understandable that it's shaken you but you have to figure out how to let go.
If you can't get over her past experiences, you have to leave her in peace. She didn't do anything to you so you can't make her pay for those things she did. You were not in the picture. What has happend is this, what you've found out has blurred the picture you created in your head. Don't forget, you created it, not her.
If you can't figure this out, get some help from a therapist. Chasing things around in your head will make you crazy.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcansaw +, writes (25 June 2007):
rcansaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still need a little more help here...These other two posts really are not giving me any help.....but thanks anyways guys.....
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 June 2007):
She dealt with the situation at hand as she saw fit in that moment. It was really not your place to question her.
She's with you now, leave it alone or get help from a professional to deal with the memories.
...............................
A
female
reader, burningbridges +, writes (24 June 2007):
Her ex was into S and M, and from what she's said, she wasn't and he was too much of a jerk to respect that. I'm sort of surprised she saved the tape, but if she hasn't said 'Hit me!' to you, at any point, then she obviously likes what you're doing better then her ex.
...............................
|
