A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a LDR for 4 years. He began to get depressed around January and then around 3 weeks ago dumped me. Said he doesnt want a relationship right now because he wants to focus on getting himself better and also love is to exhausting for him so he just doesnt want it.I accepted this because I know he is going to be getting councelling very soon. He wanted to remain my friend. I wasnt to sure how to be his friend because Im used to being his girlfriend so I decided to tell him Im there for him and when he needs me but decided to not talk to him for a while, give him space and let him come to me.I didnt last all the long and around 3 nights ago I talked to him, asked how his classes were going and he said he was going to fail, so obviously I said no you wont. He then said yes i will ive missed to much and dont know the work and the tutor wont re-teach it to which i replied with well isnt there books you could read or maybe notes from someone in your class and he just said look im not gettin into this with u, u asked i told u, get it got it good!I didnt know how to take that at all, I mean I hadnt said anything wrong right?? And he just snapped.Well I left him for a couple of days again and talked to him just now. We talked about normal things for like an hour and im very hyper and happy right now so it was fine, then i said u seem happier and he was like im ok so i then said do u miss me and then said ofcourse u dont right why would u, lol and he just said lol back. so i said hay u didnt answer and then 20 mins goes by and he still doesnt answer so i said ok 20 mins pass and still nothing and he says im playing bo camp and i said or avoiding my question and he said i wanna play games.What does that mean? I want him back I truly do but I do want him to get better but at the same time i guess im looking to see if there is anything still there from his side in the mean time. Idk. Its hard.
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male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (23 April 2011):
look - Ive suffered from depression myself for the first time in my life and you literally do feel unloved and alone even though there is heaps of evidence otherwise. he needs to get on to the tablets for depression and also start talking with his doctor more - they can help. But really I wouldnt play hard to get at this time - if he says he wants to just get better and he just wants to be friends then just be his friend. He is way too dragged down by the way his body is making him feel to notice small things - only massive blindingly obvious things will get through.
I think just giving him hugs and asking his family to do the same will help to make him feel safer and more secure and also that people love him no matter what - even when he's at his worst and most depressed.
How do you feel about him? will you stick by him or desert him in his hour of need? Its ok if you cant handle it yourself but please get his family and friends involved - he will need them
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Hi there. It really sounds like you are not at all listening to him or placing yourself in his shoes. It would be like if you had the flu and you had a pesky friend who kept insisting you get out of bed and accompany her to go shopping. Or if you were ill and your boyfriend kept pestering you for sex, ignoring that you didn't feel well. I would leave him alone and get on with life and take forward the lesson that other people have feelings and needs that may contradict what you want out of them at the time.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Why did he snap?
Because he's depressed, throwing himself a pity party, and doesn't like someone telling him how to get his life in order. He's being self destructive on purpose. He knows what he can do, but he's choosing not to. Having you tell him what to do is more like a nagging mom than anything else. I know you were doing it because you care about him, but he doesn't care about anything right now. He needs help, but he needs to want that help in order for it to work. Right now, he wants to do his best to hit rock bottom.
Really, this isn't going to work, and you know it. Cut that contact, and keep it cut. If you really want to help, reach out to his family and plan an intervention, but any direct contact with him should be avoided. He's not ready for it, and doesn't WANT to be ready for it.
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