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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for a year. It was great until the past couple of months. He has a drug problem and has relapsed 4 times the past three months. I have stayed with him due to the fact I understand as I am in recovery as well. However, he came back again this past weekend as if nothing had happened. I broke it off with him, and told him that we can't be together until he gets better. I have started talking to someone else, but haven't even dated yet. The problem is I feel so bad for breaking it off with my boyfriend. Everyone tells me it was the right thing to do as I cannot sit around and be hurt by him disappearing all the time. But, why do I feel like I am letting him down??? I am hurting, because I don't like hurting him. Any responses would be greatly appreciated. Did I do the right thing? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, Aunt Sally. I told him that we could still be friends, but I know that it probably won't happen.
A
female
reader, Aunt Sally +, writes (13 March 2006):
 You have both been through a difficult time. Overcoming a drug dependency is not easy so well done for doing so well. It is time to put you first. You are not letting him down. You will feel hurt and guilty if you are not there for him, and that is because you care about him. But you also have to care about you. You are in a vulnerable state yourself. You need to have an equal relationship, not one person going off and doing there own thing, expecting the other to wait around. You also need support. Go out and enjoy your new life. If your boyfriend is serious about you, he will understand. You are not there to be his crutch while he relapses and then leaves to do other things. Its time now to move on and find someone new - someone who will not mess you about.
Good luck!
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